the final countdwn

just another 8 hrs more and i am on my way to the airport to korea. wow. still feels sureal. and i got all excited abt it on thurs and fri. but today. lols it kinda hyped dwn agn. mayb thanks to the rejection from massey uni....

but then agn who cares abt that shitty uni. wad im bummed out abt is the direction of my life which im unsure abt. its like suddenly frm everything kinda paved to question marks sticking outta my head everywhere....

i wonder how holidaying in korea will b like....would it be not as good as we all expected? or would it be better? both are bad. LOLS.

i wanna eat my pork!!! pork belly, pork skin,

and looks like i will be spending more on others than myself. LOLS. luckily they r paying me =x

time is running out

death. that word always triggers the word "uncertainty" to me. when it hits u it hits u. u just never knw when. i wont say im glad my grams died early. but i think being an emotional crazy person i am, i wld totally bawl my eyes out....so when they did pass away at my very young age of i-can-barely-rmb, i was clueless and didnt really feel a thing actually.

although i do regret tt i cn spend much time w em and my maternal grandma cnt pass down her awesomely yummilicious nonya cooking and hsewife abilities to me.

yes. and it is here. saddens me to think wad are the possibilities that can happen for the next two years.

the news only sunk in and processed slowly in my brain. like hw an ink leak slowly seeps into the pages of papers....before reality struck and i started to play out all the possibilities in my head

i knw myself. or at least this part of it. and it scares me to think if that part that i knw. actually goes and proves itself to me during these 2 yrs.

and so now time is of the essence....between now and the day that may just set us apart for the next 2 years. or at least few weeks first, every single time spent tgt is impt. and yet there are other aims and goals on his mind. its always like this u knw. but prolly wads a priority to me isnt to him. still trying to understand our differences. find similarities amidst our differences.

and now finally all the things that i thought in my head tt im gg to do to prepare for this day and during the 2 yrs....i gotta put into practice.

anyways stupid shit of a uni hasnt gotten back to me yet till nw. really contemplating giving it up alr and just plan on my working...but figured mummy wld kill me if i were to give up e opportunity. so...i guess if i were accepted i cn go do my soul searching ltr on. or nt....

so i wld really like to be given the opportunity to discover my other interests....

i cnt believe tt just another less than 2 weeks and its off to korea. wow. why has the excitement fizzled? but i guess it would re-ignite agn ltr nearer to the date...

oh and mission trip in june. wow. lotsa preperations to be done.

limits and limitations

where are the boundaries in a relationship? there are always grey areas. so where do you draw the line? can you really control one's sexual desires and thoughts? especially when (i dont mean to be biased) guys are the ones who are more of the sort to have temptations in their head. but do we make excuses for them and just accept that "that's just how guys are?" so intentions play a part. your heart and thoughts are the most important in any and all situations. self control.

men are from mars and women are from venus. we are both different and that has nothing to do with our personalities but more of how we are biologically wired. so that leads to conflicts most of the time. sure our personalities play a part. but ultimately it depends on our understanding of the opposite gender that really matters. the patience for each other and to not say things that can aggrevate the situation or make matters worse.

men are wired to compartmentalise but women have everything wired together. maybe because we are the more emotional of the two genders? or maybe it is some other reason.

these are things we all need to learn and cope everday. especially me i guess. prolly i need to stop making it seem like im always at fault. maybe this is a special case. its an extreme case. so my reasons are justified. but really? they always say it takes two hands to clap. so im always learning and try to shift the mindset. but are you doing the same?

and maybe that is where maturity comes in.

korea sparkling~

whoo it is the countdown to korea! i am so excited! let me see....another 21days. exactly 3 more weeks~ whoo. we already paid the deposit and our hotel looks nt bad from pics and the reviews are not bad too....hehehe

levina who has recently gone to bkk in feb has now gone off to HK today for 10 days T.T leaving me and lynn in SG. and then when she comes back another 11 days ltr its off to korea. T.T good life much???

my temper has not been too good lately. lose patience even more easily than ever lately. i wonder why....im growing up to be such a bitch O.O so i hope....but i doubt. but still i hope 3 of us wont quaral when we go over there. lols. otherwise i will just abandon them and let them get lost in seoul. muahahahha. NAH kidding babes. we Lders will stick tgt =)

me and him. we've been having too many quarals too often lately. sobs. really dont like it. and like i said...mayb coz of my loss of patience and growing into a bitch, so mayb its my fault =/ or like wad dom would say. honeymoon period is over.

need a job to replenish my korea trip expenditure. lols. $.$

working life

i srsly cnt imagine hw it would be in the future when i start working....and if i have to juggle family at that....and with heels? hah.

its early nights and aching feet for me whenever i reach home...the last time i touched my lappy was on monday....

week filled with many ups and downs disappointments, anger, laughter u name it i think i felt it.

i was so pissed w the terrible handling of applications from massey university. see the thing is i am someone who trusts ppl very easily. 100% when i first see them. but once they break my trust....its down to 0% nt even 50%. so i'd forever think tt u'd make the same mistake again. yeah sure ppl deserve second chances and to err is human....but nt when u r e one who has the control of another person's life. tt is just fucked up.

and on another hand i have this huge problem at hand...someone makes me disappointed big time all the time. mayb its just me thinking too much. or expecting too much. mayb because i haf experience relationships or also just looking at the others' this isnt something anyone deserves. yeah sure no one is the same....every relationship wld be different. but this is just so screwed up. its like no mateer hw much i am telling myself nt to have too much expectations i would still end up expecting at least the basics but even the basics cant be fulfilled. i think he better thank me when he ends up married w his future wife for the basics i have taught him coz honestly i dont see anything w him right nw. i cnt be wrong when everyone has the same opinion as me both guys and girls. i cnt rmb the last time i has really happy.

and another thing i dont understand is why do ppl sign in on msn and then go AFK for hrs and hrs? i mean sure just leave ur com on for all i care. but seriously? go on msn and then AFK? wad's the freaking point in that.

hah. my mum says i get more fiery as i grow up. LOLS. agreed. these few days i feel like im someone who isnt afraid to say wad i feel.....gd and bad i guess. i have always been like tt since i was young....only i learnt hw to laugh more to camouflage the fire in me =x

i cnt wait for the holiday in korea where i cn just have a break frm this all. i hope.....