open sesame

on my birthday. my so called clique in uni bought me a present. a cap from accesorize! rly surprised. made me feel bad for my prev. post. made me open up a little more. but i wont say TOTALLY. it wont be the same as poly. or RC girls. heh. till now i find RC girls a miracle.

right anyways. truely. friends. thats all i need. bgr. pfft. just a plus point.

hell on earth

everyday going to school is like hell on earth. i really dont mind doing mundane repeated things daily. but this is different. u see i learn one subject/module a mth. that means for about 30 days i learn one entire subject. then there would be about 4-5 days of study break and then the exam. funny thing is. for the entire 30 days all i do is sit in class and try ant to fall asleep with all the noise i hear going in from one side of my ears and coming out from the other end. yes noise is referring to the teaching teaching and talk and not the students' chitter chatters. and only during that 4-5 days of study break do i have the time to actually absorb every single thing that was said in the previous 30 days. on top of that. the class isnt doing anything to help me enjoy my life there. probably i am the only one. perhaps blame it on my anti-socialness. or my selective socializing. whatever it is. im feeling alone in a crowded room. there is nothing in particular especially wrong with them. they are nice people. but they just arent the right people.

if i had a choice i would skip lunch altogether rather then spending my time eating with my classmates. but my hunger keeps me from doing that. yeah they are entertaining most of the time. but the things we talk abt. HAH. lets just say i really dont need such touch and go friendships. i am really quite sure that at the end of 2 yrs. i will barely even know their habbits or likes and dislikes etc. much less them knowing mine. because among strangers i have my brick wall of defence complete with a stony face. HEH. get the pun? =P yeah i guess we are all a little split personalized.

so really when im actually asked to hangout w them aftersch hours. ofcoz im reluctant. im already gritting my teeth 5 days a week in school just to bare with the torture and practically run out of the class room every day not wanting to spend any additional moments of torture. do i still need to grit my teeth and spend an opportune moment of escape with something that tortures me that much.

if any of my classmates were ever to read this . they may get angry, offended , annoyed. but really there is nothing wrong with them. they are good people. it is probably just me. im just not someone who would have friendships with people just for the sake of it. so maybe i see them as collegues. or classmates. just to help each other out. yeah that would be a better name for it.

so just another little more than a month and it really is a get away from there. my great escape for 5-6 weeks. something i am looking forward to. so many great awesome things ahead. but the longer the holiday the harder it is to get used to school once again when it starts after the holidays.

and the only thing right now that distracts my thoughts away from self pity is thinking about my baking and what i am going to do during the holidays. and my occasional outtings with vinana or poly clique 6.

oh what a life.

fresh

i have decided to update my blog more often. once again i cant stress enough how i have neglected blogger coz of twitter.LOLS~!

they say dreams are your subconsious mind working. but sometimes im nt even thinking abt smth and yet i dream abt it and then it makes me think abt it. and that is usually something i dont really wanna think about. rather i would wanna forget.

its so funny. why do i always like someone i could never get? ah.because the good ones are usually taken.

really too fiery these few mths. HAH. my mum say i watch too many korean dramas. and usually they will have women who are quite fiesty. arh?really? ahaaha.maybe.don't tt show how well i fit into the korean society? LOLS.

i dont know why there is this nagging awkwardness lately with the LG. plus after what has passed. the feeling is worst. maybe because it is a place where anger is frowned upon. where everyone has to clench their teeth and smile eventhough their heart and head is about to explode with anger. ahhh....those judging eyes. always the reason why the gap can never be closed. everytime i take a step forward. i take two steps backwards.

i forsee a hectic schedule again in school with many labs. but i do not care. i must have my drink this wed. and cutie singer. and no i m nt an alcoholic. heh ^^;

wanderless wonder

i wonder if i should change to a tumblr account... that way it would be easier to update because all it takes are a few pictures. and pictures speak a thousand words.

anyways, the new life in uni. seems much less of the life i knew.pure carefree joy is like a luxury for me. because its so hard to come by. what would it be like if i had not chosen this path? i have always wondered to myself. how different would it be? would i really have much more joy than this? infact....stress is like a cheap sales now. because in cheap sales...u get more things that what u actually planned to get. so im getting more 'stress' than i really want...or need.

anyways....i am a person who finds it very hard to make decisions. but when i have made up my mind...i m not one to change it. however. there is this one issue that breaks the norm. this issue is a deviant. it is when it concerns issues of the heart. for years i have never been able to break out of this web. and recently....or rather mayb nt so recently...it the web just got thicker. just add another to the unsolvable equation. -_-; for the most unexpected. ha. i doubt anyone really reads this now anwyays. its just my avenue to rant.

but through this hell hole. i feel so much better everytime i spend any free time i got with you,although mayb its nt so often. its almost wierd to be true. i wonder how u would act if u knew. coz i knw u prolly dont feel the way i do.

when i m free i really gotta sort things out man. my heart is really so messed up. i dont even know where these thoughts suddenly come from.

so this is how i always feel when i dream about u....bittersweet...

wait....now this is which you?

u see the funny thing is....in the end....i wont be with either two. thats the saddest part.

countdown to loss

just another day to the loss of freedom. lols. less than a day actually....sighs...the start of school again. with new people, new teachers, new environment, and new subjects....or fairly new la. and luckily there is smth old. lynn. LOLs.

but honestly, im someone who would prefer to stick to my comfort zone and not try new things. =/

this holiday from april to aug, 4 months, i would really like to thank god to all the changes, both good and bad, that he has made in my life. trying out many new things as well such as small things like making kimchi, and bigger things to gg korea with Lders and myanmar mission trip.

all i can do now is speculate on how sch would be for the next two years. SUFFERINGS. but i have already planned ahead. im someone who loves motivations. and my motivation would be to go to a 1 mth long getaway to korea. with whoever is available...ofcoz best would b w Lders agn XD since we three can spazz tgt abt ALL korea related stuff hahahas.

i shall try and blog more now that sch is starting. but im sure that twitter would still end up being more abused. my poor followers.HAHHAS.

and i also havent been updating my food blog =/

new time table, new priorities to be set. HWAITING~

dream queen

i think i have a sleep disorder. since idk when i have been having dreams every single night. multiple dreams....dream within dreams...etc. and it makes me tired when i wake up tt no amt of sleep is really enuf. it is good when i have good and happy dreams ofcoz...coz it wld keep me happy the whole day. bad if it is bad dreams. duh. when i say bad i dont mean like scary ghost whatever. but like realistic scary.like someone dying.

these few days been having lotsa good dreams. mayb tts why its been putting me in a good mood. hahhas. this whole week in fact XD.

lotsa dreams seem to bring back ppl frm the past. HAH. weird but interesting. mayb tts why im in an even better mood coz srsly i feel e past is better than the present and future. accept for Lders and clique 6...e past few 3 yrs were quite a blur and bleh. =x

but living in the past isnt a good thing...it makes my present life look so bleh...and it makes me wish stuffs i knw wont happen. make me feel things i knw tt r baseless feelings. not good at all coz all those feelings that i tried so hard to get rid of is slowly coming back. i knew this would happen sooner or later. but i have always been in denial.

i hate the green monster. i guess over the years no one else would do because they r just not you. =/

kwave concert!

wow i better type this all out here before i forget! lols...as it is i dont even rmb all the songs that were sung alr =(

1.FT island and they sang love love love, hello hello, bing bing bing, barae

2. touch, with rockin the club, today, and idk wad....

3. x-5 with fantasy, the show is over and don't come near me

4. dalshabet with pink rocket, some song and then supa dupa diva

5.teen top with clap man, supa luv, angel?

6.Dae Guk Nam Ah(The Boss) with stumble stumble, admiring boy, and idk alr =/

7.Miss A sang breathe, some english song, some slow song and then you don't know me

8.ukiss sang bingeul bingeul, 0330, everyday, and man man hani

9. 2ne1 sang to anyone, lonely, can't nobody and i don't care

10. big bang first sang tonight, then seungri had two song solo, taeyang had 2 song solo, GDTOP had 2 song solo double bubble and high highand then big bang sang love song and put your hands up?

i really wanna see beast and mblaq live! i hope the next kwave concert would have them inside. and i wanna see like 2ne1 and bb agn and like dbskJYJand FT! whoo~ its always like this after a concert...I miss jonghun so much! like I feel I didn't get to see him enuff bit he cut hair back to his flippy soft kind and he kept flipping his hair too! poor minhwannie! cnt play w e rest during Bing Bing Bing :( the grps like touch,x-5, the boss D-NA n teen top really far exceeded expectations! there were so many look alikes a feel alikes haha like teen top had a guy tt looks like a young ver. of seven. then karam frm the boss was like jaejoong. then touch and x-5 had a 2pm feel but less annoying =x basically it was worth every cent! like 3.5 hrs lor! next time I wanna like go agn...provided they at least haf some main grps I like first...o don't mind rookie grps anymore! hehe XD

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.2

renewal

looking back and reading my previous post makes me feel so guilty about everything. its so funny how a few mths ago i was so blissful...and suddenly i have become hard hearted and did a drastic move...i find myself so scary. sighs...i wonder if im fated to haf this kinda sad life. but i gotta do what i think is right.

on the other hand i got admitted into massey university. a uni that i was so bitter about because of their screwed up system. but then agn when it is offered...without any pride i accepted. guess this kinda matters pride shldnt come in ur way.

its gonna be a hard 2 yrs though. and i hope tt lynn wld be able to help me...otherwise i'd crash n burn on my own. =/ esp maths...which i suck at =/

a new life ahead. with bittersweet changes and renewal. i hope somethings dont change though. like i wld aways haf my Lders w me and my besties. <3

comparisons

comparisons. this is wad people do all the time. compare the good stuff, or the bad. and sometimes compare ourselves to others or others with others. either way. sometimes comparison will put a person down and delude our state of mind.

it will make us start questioning ourselves. and sometimes in a bad way as well. and the effects are as bad.

it could have started or led to things such as envy. and dont get me started on envy. because once it progresses and turns to jealousy things and start to get ugly.

and so who really knows a human heart? sometimes we seem worst than animals. often compared to the loyalty of dogs. everyone is different. and yet somehow the basis are the same. it seems easier to understand others based on their behaviour and thinking. and it seems so clear to us. however, their would be the more cynical ones or the more paranoid ones who would probe ur thoughts and behaviour. because the cynics feel that things are never as they seem. could this be because of their own behaviour and thinking?thats why they think the same applies to others?

so the question is. when do u take things at face value and when can things really not be as they seem?

yes. i compare. i envy. and im cynical. and that equals to disaster brewing in my head.

back from paradise

ok korea is like the new place i dont mind migrating to anymore. aside from like london. LOLS. and besides its always good to marry someone asian rather than an ang moh right? ahahhas plus korea has cheap cheap cosmetics to encourage u to maintain good complexion.

and the food is sooo awesome~! i miss it like soooo much and like the food back home in singapore now seems so fake and lame like nothing compared to korea's original version. and although i miss korean food so much it just doesnt tempt me back here in singapore...

and although we had to walk like mad just to change from one mrt line to another. not like singapore where u just cross over and its the other line alr....and although it was quite tough but it is really good natural exercise man...i mean u can so easily just get ur 30 mins a day exercise just by using the mrt....and suddenly singapore's mrt is so boring and it just doesnt gif me the enthusiasm....like there are no korean celeb adverts arnd or like shopping centres dont play kpop songs and drive u mad...

i wonder how long it would take for me to snap back to reality and get back to normal and get used to the way things are in singapore. i am already thinking abt when and how i can go back there again like REALLY soon! gosh....not enough not enough~ T.T

the final countdwn

just another 8 hrs more and i am on my way to the airport to korea. wow. still feels sureal. and i got all excited abt it on thurs and fri. but today. lols it kinda hyped dwn agn. mayb thanks to the rejection from massey uni....

but then agn who cares abt that shitty uni. wad im bummed out abt is the direction of my life which im unsure abt. its like suddenly frm everything kinda paved to question marks sticking outta my head everywhere....

i wonder how holidaying in korea will b like....would it be not as good as we all expected? or would it be better? both are bad. LOLS.

i wanna eat my pork!!! pork belly, pork skin,

and looks like i will be spending more on others than myself. LOLS. luckily they r paying me =x

time is running out

death. that word always triggers the word "uncertainty" to me. when it hits u it hits u. u just never knw when. i wont say im glad my grams died early. but i think being an emotional crazy person i am, i wld totally bawl my eyes out....so when they did pass away at my very young age of i-can-barely-rmb, i was clueless and didnt really feel a thing actually.

although i do regret tt i cn spend much time w em and my maternal grandma cnt pass down her awesomely yummilicious nonya cooking and hsewife abilities to me.

yes. and it is here. saddens me to think wad are the possibilities that can happen for the next two years.

the news only sunk in and processed slowly in my brain. like hw an ink leak slowly seeps into the pages of papers....before reality struck and i started to play out all the possibilities in my head

i knw myself. or at least this part of it. and it scares me to think if that part that i knw. actually goes and proves itself to me during these 2 yrs.

and so now time is of the essence....between now and the day that may just set us apart for the next 2 years. or at least few weeks first, every single time spent tgt is impt. and yet there are other aims and goals on his mind. its always like this u knw. but prolly wads a priority to me isnt to him. still trying to understand our differences. find similarities amidst our differences.

and now finally all the things that i thought in my head tt im gg to do to prepare for this day and during the 2 yrs....i gotta put into practice.

anyways stupid shit of a uni hasnt gotten back to me yet till nw. really contemplating giving it up alr and just plan on my working...but figured mummy wld kill me if i were to give up e opportunity. so...i guess if i were accepted i cn go do my soul searching ltr on. or nt....

so i wld really like to be given the opportunity to discover my other interests....

i cnt believe tt just another less than 2 weeks and its off to korea. wow. why has the excitement fizzled? but i guess it would re-ignite agn ltr nearer to the date...

oh and mission trip in june. wow. lotsa preperations to be done.

limits and limitations

where are the boundaries in a relationship? there are always grey areas. so where do you draw the line? can you really control one's sexual desires and thoughts? especially when (i dont mean to be biased) guys are the ones who are more of the sort to have temptations in their head. but do we make excuses for them and just accept that "that's just how guys are?" so intentions play a part. your heart and thoughts are the most important in any and all situations. self control.

men are from mars and women are from venus. we are both different and that has nothing to do with our personalities but more of how we are biologically wired. so that leads to conflicts most of the time. sure our personalities play a part. but ultimately it depends on our understanding of the opposite gender that really matters. the patience for each other and to not say things that can aggrevate the situation or make matters worse.

men are wired to compartmentalise but women have everything wired together. maybe because we are the more emotional of the two genders? or maybe it is some other reason.

these are things we all need to learn and cope everday. especially me i guess. prolly i need to stop making it seem like im always at fault. maybe this is a special case. its an extreme case. so my reasons are justified. but really? they always say it takes two hands to clap. so im always learning and try to shift the mindset. but are you doing the same?

and maybe that is where maturity comes in.

korea sparkling~

whoo it is the countdown to korea! i am so excited! let me see....another 21days. exactly 3 more weeks~ whoo. we already paid the deposit and our hotel looks nt bad from pics and the reviews are not bad too....hehehe

levina who has recently gone to bkk in feb has now gone off to HK today for 10 days T.T leaving me and lynn in SG. and then when she comes back another 11 days ltr its off to korea. T.T good life much???

my temper has not been too good lately. lose patience even more easily than ever lately. i wonder why....im growing up to be such a bitch O.O so i hope....but i doubt. but still i hope 3 of us wont quaral when we go over there. lols. otherwise i will just abandon them and let them get lost in seoul. muahahahha. NAH kidding babes. we Lders will stick tgt =)

me and him. we've been having too many quarals too often lately. sobs. really dont like it. and like i said...mayb coz of my loss of patience and growing into a bitch, so mayb its my fault =/ or like wad dom would say. honeymoon period is over.

need a job to replenish my korea trip expenditure. lols. $.$

working life

i srsly cnt imagine hw it would be in the future when i start working....and if i have to juggle family at that....and with heels? hah.

its early nights and aching feet for me whenever i reach home...the last time i touched my lappy was on monday....

week filled with many ups and downs disappointments, anger, laughter u name it i think i felt it.

i was so pissed w the terrible handling of applications from massey university. see the thing is i am someone who trusts ppl very easily. 100% when i first see them. but once they break my trust....its down to 0% nt even 50%. so i'd forever think tt u'd make the same mistake again. yeah sure ppl deserve second chances and to err is human....but nt when u r e one who has the control of another person's life. tt is just fucked up.

and on another hand i have this huge problem at hand...someone makes me disappointed big time all the time. mayb its just me thinking too much. or expecting too much. mayb because i haf experience relationships or also just looking at the others' this isnt something anyone deserves. yeah sure no one is the same....every relationship wld be different. but this is just so screwed up. its like no mateer hw much i am telling myself nt to have too much expectations i would still end up expecting at least the basics but even the basics cant be fulfilled. i think he better thank me when he ends up married w his future wife for the basics i have taught him coz honestly i dont see anything w him right nw. i cnt be wrong when everyone has the same opinion as me both guys and girls. i cnt rmb the last time i has really happy.

and another thing i dont understand is why do ppl sign in on msn and then go AFK for hrs and hrs? i mean sure just leave ur com on for all i care. but seriously? go on msn and then AFK? wad's the freaking point in that.

hah. my mum says i get more fiery as i grow up. LOLS. agreed. these few days i feel like im someone who isnt afraid to say wad i feel.....gd and bad i guess. i have always been like tt since i was young....only i learnt hw to laugh more to camouflage the fire in me =x

i cnt wait for the holiday in korea where i cn just have a break frm this all. i hope.....

the holidays so far

The first part time job of e holidays... at an event booth at EXPO...boring much hahaha.but e envy of some to b able to be paid to stone all day...but Im working for e money to go Korea...lols. I really hope we'd b able to go w out any hiccups coz I have been wanting to go there since 2 yrs ago....but no chance T.T...I hope e radiation hoo ha wont b e cause of e let down this time...

SIGHS. I wan go cheap shopping leh...Urgh those 2 girls went bkk alr for shopping and then 1 gg hk agn...wish my mum was more fun type like theirs ...:(

Anyways really Irritating when someone says one thing and does smth else...or doesn't mean It...happens a lot..guilty to say I do it too...

Had dinner w dom his bro n vina ytd...hehe.lotsa laughter...I think e most I had this week considering my week was so mundane n lifeless... next time work life would b like tt too x.x but Anyways e combination of e two bros r just awesome for entertainment.heh. I hope we'd have outings tgt till we're old n grey n laugh till our detures fall off...heh!

Lunch time soon...I wanna go shop during lunch. Heh. n by e time I return frm lunch it'll b 5 hrs to end of work. Yay :)

Oh jyj coming soon :) n I wanna stay over w dom n vina :( I wish my mum n aunty Sharon wld go overseas n leave Me alone at hm...y other ppl gt so much experience but I don't? U my mum has to b protective to tt extent? I'm thinking of chalet....heh. anyone?

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

hellow yellow

ok. so....latest news to later news. ahahah been a long time. i really thought i posted one post recently.

erm japan hit by massive earthquake....imagine it hits singapore! @.@ quick tell ur loved ones how much u erm....love them. ahahas.
thank god really.

results will be out soon. like this coming thurs or smth....nt sure but really nervous abt it....really SUPER.

lately the dramas i have completed and are DREAM HIGH (woots awesome. watched it twice) and just recently completed my princess. now i am gg to either start on prosecutor princess or secret garden...which ever i start on first i would definately complete both...

now currently in the process of waiting for job offers for events. events are the best because u dont do the same kinda jobs all the time and also the pay is quite good and normal human hours. ahahas. i havent actually done an event job before though...mayb it isnt as good as it seems. however, from wad dom says it sounds pretty good =)

9 mths and still gg strong. im still learning and still trying my best to be erm...the best. AHAHS. thing is questions can never stop going through my head.......wad is the purpose wad do we have etc...but i have stopped overthinking or rather i am overthinking less....hmmm is it coz i have gotten over that phase, or there is nth to think abt anymore? both would be good ofcoz =)
but that spark in my eyes....is never the same as ever. i guess that spark was stolen and never returned...hmmm

ahh the hols r here....so books are in for reading nw =) recently read the love trainer. ahhahas. sightful but deadly. if i follow those i think i would end up killing myself in the process.
basically it is like treating guys like dogs. and giving them 'dog training' so that they would obey u and be more behaved...to each its own i guess...

exciting week this week =) update soon! this post is getting too long alr. =x

사랑해 baby love~

vday and MP day. over.

so. this yr's vday was pretty unforgetable...! =)

our class had a vday exchange presents day. ahahas. tt happens when ur class is all girls except 1. so the guy has no choice but to agree to it =P i had a bag full of goodies! and it was so funny hw the Lders were moving here and there in flavours trying to reserve as many seats as we cld for our class. everytime we see someone finishing we'll eye their table. then when they leave we CHIONG and put bags to chope! ahhahaha. typical SGreans.

that day was a day i wont forget coz at the end of the day....i recieved the more unexpected, best present of all =D lovelovelove. =) the first vday *winks*

then after tt it was pretty much preparing for MP poster etc and today was the long awaited MP poster presentation. and the FINALY leg of the race. everyone had different timings for the interview and the room was in a total cam whoring session! ahahas. it was fun and yet nw it seems to sink it that there are some ppl there i may not see anymore after this coming mon.....wow. soooo surreal...

soon the PDM test and ND exam would be over. and we'd all be moving on to the next phase of our lives. everyone needing to make big decisions on what to do next....i for one hate making decisions like that coz im so afraid of making the wrong choices....
and on top of that i hate getting use to new environments all over again....i'd be lucky if i get a similar class to A8A4 in uni or whatever.

MP 80% over!

yes! we submitted our FINAL report today! wow. im amazed at the speed we work at! i love u guys ttm =)

although tiring. it is fun working through the night with people u enjoy working with. ahahas. REALLY through the night man!
and when u finally do everything finish and u know u've given ur best shot. that is when u feel e sense of achievement!

lately been super addicted to a k drama called dream high. esp one of the songs. teehee. i really dont want sch to end so soon. but when i think of all the catching up of dramas to do....ICANTWAIT.LOL

im soo amazed sometimes that no matter hw busy i am my mind cn still wander off on its own and think about things totally unrelated. gees. im over thinking everything again =/ and my imagination just starts to run wild =/ irriating feeling....i hate it whenever this happens...nt tt it doesnt happen when im bust...just less. but SUPER bad when im FREE. =/

i really wonder and questions myself all the time...

anyways so its the poster presentation left! eks! scared!

hecticness

These few days school has been really hectic! more n more skipping of lunch coz we need to rush to do projects inbetween e classes we have. even weekends r burned by projects. ha! but in e face of adversity. always wear a smile. yupps. i welcome the stress and challenges that i face throughout this time.
I mean the number of petri dishes we use for microbial testing is like woah! i counted it n it amted to 108! n thats like petri dishes alone. then there r e mpn tubes. woah!
Hahaha lately totally love twitter. love it even more than fb. i nv really liked fb anyways...just for e sake of pics.

These few days been thinking too much! idk when i will ever learn to stop thinking n start taking things into my stride. And just be satiafied with what i have. I mean its not tt i. nt contented. just the human greed always wants more n seek perfection n my defence mechanism always works at super power. really tiring n irritating as well. zzzz

planned to slp early last night but i only slept @ 3+. y? coz i put others before myself. i need to think of myself more...coz this is a selfish world. if i dont look out for myself no one would either...

Reunion dinner tonight.always a small n quiet affair...and never at hm...when I have a family of my own I'm. Hoping it wld all be diff...

School ends on 1st march for me. omg. 4wks more! n just another 3wks of classes! more hecticness to come i cn predict! x.x

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.6

Last few weeks

just another 6 more weeks of sch! oh how time flies. lately been having less and less time for personal life. and more and more time spent in sch and using my brains. LOL. i cnt wait to do brainless activities such as chionging dramas on lappy or cooking my lunch and waking up at 1pm. or waking up earlier to exercise. URGH. feel fat these few days . not been exercising! tsk! everytime i wanna exercise smth comes up. like tmr. wanted to go swim. but need to do ND project.
ok i know MP sucks. but seriously, its a much better project compared to ND or PDM. lols.

ahhh....been sleeping too late lately. black circles under eyes.

waking up early tmr for ND project. so i think i deserve to slp earlier tonight. ahhahas.

permed my hair btw. ahahs. didnt tell u guys that. hmmm.... pretty ex considering how long i think the curls would last. BUT! i love the waves =) its like my dream hair. ahahhas XD. as long as it lasts till aft new year. but the hassle of preparing it every morning is time consuming. zzz always end up being late for sch coz i cant seem to be able to wake up any earlier.

no matter how fast i want sch to end so that its the end of the sucky projects, i fear the unknown. zzz. esp when i dont like taking risks and chances. hmm...i shld be an A+ blood type. ahahhas.

tahs~

as the time passes

tmr i am gg to the aust. uni open hse. how time flies and now i need to decide on what i want to do for the next league of my life. i am someone who hates changes after i have gotten used to and gotten comfortable with what i have. i am someone who dont adapt to changes easily.

i know u may say i am a coward. or i am not independent enough or whatever. but the thing is... i am scared to go overseas. to leave the ones i love behind. to leave the friendships and relationships behind. and be alone. esp if levina doesnt go with me. i mean who's to know what will become of those when i come back in 2 yrs time? i know prolly 2 yrs is a fast time. but. who's to say what can happen between this time?

as for now. i am needing a break from all this. things are spiralling downwards and soon we wont be able to communicate anymore. i am becoming too complacent. i need to put up my defence system once again. or else. the one to get hurt the most would be me.

my eyes closes with fatique
as my heart closes with weariness
i sense the present warmth
but i cannot forget the past coldness

yes. it haunts me.
it never forgets me.
and every now and then.
it comes back and scares me.

just when i close my eyes.
and fall into slumber
it doesnt make my mind any numb-er
instead my heart is exposed to the pain yet again

like a mimosa's name,
'touch me not'
the bad memories with you
seems to be 'forget me not'

the new year

been so tired and busy that i havent had the time to just sit down. clear my mind and reflect on the year that has passed and have new resolutions for the new year.

how i celebrated the new year. guilty to say. i chose going drinking with buddies than watchnight service at church with lgee =x well it was a new different experience =x
it was really fun with dom ka jun dom's bro ernest goh and ofcoz dear levina who agreed to go with me. otherwise i'd be the only girl and it'd be so awkward.
it was really nice to see nicholas after so long and to actually sit down tgt with ka jun rather than just hearing his name all the time. LOL.
me and levina practically chionged to the bar so that we'd make it in time for happy hour. LOLs. we had a mango margarita and sunrise tequilla respectively and we shared a strawberry daiquiri =)
nicholas was the hiong one. LOL. he had like 4 drinks? so we gt to try a huge variety =) ahahha.
dom has got to be like my bestest guy friend ever. feel so comfortable arnd him =D

but then sat and sun today was like crap. felt so zombie-fied. lack of slp. sighs. this coming week is hell week. i think i cant wait for it to be over! its like so many things for us to do and its not stopping. zomg. help. eks.

ok im gg to get back to MP now. i hope that the rest of they year would be awesome. even more awesome than the previous. AHAHHA. i must say that the previous yr, 2010 was kinda interesting for me. ah. reflections shall do that tonight.