Negative energy

so much negative energy in me lately. initially i blamed it on PMS. but now the time of the month is over! what excuse can i have now? i have happiness in my palm...but i cant seem to grasp it and it is slowly slipping away. im slowly slipping away...i cant seem to find my true self anymore. just like a chameleon adapting to the colours of the environment that you don't even know the true colour of that lizard.  usually the negativity lasts for a day and when i wake up the next, it goes away...but this time...it keeps coming back. im making the people around me tired. im feeling tired myself. the negatives seem to overcast the positives. what is the solution? i think i know the answer...but what am i doing about it? thats what makes me hate myself more.

its like a mine field....just a slight touch would cause it to explode....

i feel so sorry...becoz it seems like only that one person is bearing the heat of the fire.

hello happiness...tell me where you've been.

just one direction

if only all of us have the direction/purpose we have in life from the day we are born..and our whole life we would be running towards that and not be wasting time wondering if the path we are on right now is the right one. and right now im still struggling...with 20 yrs of my life already passed by...

on a brighter note ytd marked our 6 mths :) but we had our 6th month-versary meal at shangri-la rasa sentosa for buffet breakfast...did not take any pics but here is the interior. had a very satisfactory time together. although i would say that the price is quite high for a breakfast...but the ambience and his company was enough to compensate. 

we wore, my so called version of our evisu couple tee today :)

everything just seems so right. 

just like today and everyday

the comfort in you hugs

and love in your eyes

this time it will be the last

ahead

we are always asked to think ahead. the goal in mind. but how often do we really practice that? even i...have lost that goal that i tried reaching for. and now its more "like a live for the moment" days. but yet. there really isnt much time left. im growing older. going out into the society is soon. time is running out. age is creeping up. but what does the future hold for me? 

and to put thinking ahead into another context. think before u speak. and this too. how often do we really think about the consequences of out speech. what hurt we may inflict. or how the other person would feel about it. and funny enough. its away the hurtful or blunt or necessary things that we are so quick to say out. and too late to take the words back. and yet. the good things we hold in back inside. or take too long to consider if we shld say it that the moment or opportunity has passed. why is that? 

what is the point in saying all those words? to make urself feel good abt urself? to make urself feel superior over others? that means selfishness. because everything is abt "me" and not abt how the other person would feel. but how would that reflect ur upbringing? that ur spoilt? or that ur parents r the same? once again. selfishness. 

but ofcoz we are all human. its normal to say things without thinking. including myself. its smth hard to change. but perhaps...if we start thinking more about others. and less about ourselves. things would be different. sure you may argue u r just being straight forward. take it or leave it. but there is a difference between that. and saying things for the sake of saying it. to have the last say in things. just stop and think. are those words really necessary?

and perhaps. the EQ thing about genders....guys lesser than girls isnt true. that is just a stereotype. coz im pretty sure i know a girl who has about as low as ZERO EQ. at least i didnt say negative. 

weekend spent with bliss

a really fruitful and happy weekend spent. friday went to buy dear's brother's birthday present 

then sat morning baked my favourite chocolate chip cookies for dear and his family...technically only his bro n him would eat anyways hahas

then at night we gave his bro a birthay dinner treat! saboten at T1 and swensen's banana split at T2. hahas well...saboten is rly just katsu and katsu. they shld have more sides. and swensen's banana was unripe! >< the horror. but as always sticky chewy chocolate was awesome :) well the pictures below are from the internet...but it was rly what we ate too. we forgot to take pictures :/

and finally sunday today...spent 3 hrs in the kitchen cooking dinner! with dear as my helper. hehes :D tried out my uncle's ngoh hiang recipe for the first time...been on a ngoh hiang craze recently. ahahha. ofcoz there was like a billion other dishes too...like ABC soup, stir fried sweet potato leaves, korean chilli grilled chicken...i attempt to try expanding my knowledge of cooking more dishes. haha.

and the best thing abt spending so long in the kitchen is when the ppl u cook for enjoys it :) 

sure we have out disagreements and unhapiness and fights. but in the end. what matters is that we are still happy. and i know i am to have you :) 

but now it is back to reality. school tmr. ah just the thought of it sucks. zzz  :'(