hell on earth

everyday going to school is like hell on earth. i really dont mind doing mundane repeated things daily. but this is different. u see i learn one subject/module a mth. that means for about 30 days i learn one entire subject. then there would be about 4-5 days of study break and then the exam. funny thing is. for the entire 30 days all i do is sit in class and try ant to fall asleep with all the noise i hear going in from one side of my ears and coming out from the other end. yes noise is referring to the teaching teaching and talk and not the students' chitter chatters. and only during that 4-5 days of study break do i have the time to actually absorb every single thing that was said in the previous 30 days. on top of that. the class isnt doing anything to help me enjoy my life there. probably i am the only one. perhaps blame it on my anti-socialness. or my selective socializing. whatever it is. im feeling alone in a crowded room. there is nothing in particular especially wrong with them. they are nice people. but they just arent the right people.

if i had a choice i would skip lunch altogether rather then spending my time eating with my classmates. but my hunger keeps me from doing that. yeah they are entertaining most of the time. but the things we talk abt. HAH. lets just say i really dont need such touch and go friendships. i am really quite sure that at the end of 2 yrs. i will barely even know their habbits or likes and dislikes etc. much less them knowing mine. because among strangers i have my brick wall of defence complete with a stony face. HEH. get the pun? =P yeah i guess we are all a little split personalized.

so really when im actually asked to hangout w them aftersch hours. ofcoz im reluctant. im already gritting my teeth 5 days a week in school just to bare with the torture and practically run out of the class room every day not wanting to spend any additional moments of torture. do i still need to grit my teeth and spend an opportune moment of escape with something that tortures me that much.

if any of my classmates were ever to read this . they may get angry, offended , annoyed. but really there is nothing wrong with them. they are good people. it is probably just me. im just not someone who would have friendships with people just for the sake of it. so maybe i see them as collegues. or classmates. just to help each other out. yeah that would be a better name for it.

so just another little more than a month and it really is a get away from there. my great escape for 5-6 weeks. something i am looking forward to. so many great awesome things ahead. but the longer the holiday the harder it is to get used to school once again when it starts after the holidays.

and the only thing right now that distracts my thoughts away from self pity is thinking about my baking and what i am going to do during the holidays. and my occasional outtings with vinana or poly clique 6.

oh what a life.