the new year

yes its 2012. a new year. and it does feel so.

yet everyone seems to be down at the begining of the year. that spells like a bad omen.

and rightfully so coz in another ~2 weeks or so school starts again. and then i will find it hard to catch my breath.

these days i feel like im having social suicide. ppl may think i have so many friends. yeah true. maybe. but there are so many different categories of friends. and honestly most of them are under the hi-bye category. then there are those who are like forever friends but we meet up like what less than 10 times a year. and we just try to take those few hrs to cram updates. but how much of the updates are really personal? then there is lgee. but until now it is so difficult to show them my real feelings just coz everyone is just so goody godly. or so it seems.

so it really boils down to my closest of close bestest of best friends. and there were two. but honestly quite enough for me. but really? i always wonder which is the day when we would start growing apart. ><

and so as the new year continues, i feel more alone than ever. and yet wanting to be alone too. everyone turns 21 this year >< its not the presents that i dont want to buy. but more of the parties i dont wanna attend. hence. social suicide.

and so a new year. even more determined to let go for a hand i never got to hold. but always wanted to and still do. but i never know why. i mean i always ask myself. but never get the answer. and sometimes the answer i get is that if i really got to hold that hand. i would realise its not longer the same hand as before. but right aft all those thoughts. there i go wondering what to do for v day and his 21st. BLEH. ridiculous me.