the final countdwn

just another 8 hrs more and i am on my way to the airport to korea. wow. still feels sureal. and i got all excited abt it on thurs and fri. but today. lols it kinda hyped dwn agn. mayb thanks to the rejection from massey uni....

but then agn who cares abt that shitty uni. wad im bummed out abt is the direction of my life which im unsure abt. its like suddenly frm everything kinda paved to question marks sticking outta my head everywhere....

i wonder how holidaying in korea will b like....would it be not as good as we all expected? or would it be better? both are bad. LOLS.

i wanna eat my pork!!! pork belly, pork skin,

and looks like i will be spending more on others than myself. LOLS. luckily they r paying me =x

time is running out

death. that word always triggers the word "uncertainty" to me. when it hits u it hits u. u just never knw when. i wont say im glad my grams died early. but i think being an emotional crazy person i am, i wld totally bawl my eyes out....so when they did pass away at my very young age of i-can-barely-rmb, i was clueless and didnt really feel a thing actually.

although i do regret tt i cn spend much time w em and my maternal grandma cnt pass down her awesomely yummilicious nonya cooking and hsewife abilities to me.

yes. and it is here. saddens me to think wad are the possibilities that can happen for the next two years.

the news only sunk in and processed slowly in my brain. like hw an ink leak slowly seeps into the pages of papers....before reality struck and i started to play out all the possibilities in my head

i knw myself. or at least this part of it. and it scares me to think if that part that i knw. actually goes and proves itself to me during these 2 yrs.

and so now time is of the essence....between now and the day that may just set us apart for the next 2 years. or at least few weeks first, every single time spent tgt is impt. and yet there are other aims and goals on his mind. its always like this u knw. but prolly wads a priority to me isnt to him. still trying to understand our differences. find similarities amidst our differences.

and now finally all the things that i thought in my head tt im gg to do to prepare for this day and during the 2 yrs....i gotta put into practice.

anyways stupid shit of a uni hasnt gotten back to me yet till nw. really contemplating giving it up alr and just plan on my working...but figured mummy wld kill me if i were to give up e opportunity. so...i guess if i were accepted i cn go do my soul searching ltr on. or nt....

so i wld really like to be given the opportunity to discover my other interests....

i cnt believe tt just another less than 2 weeks and its off to korea. wow. why has the excitement fizzled? but i guess it would re-ignite agn ltr nearer to the date...

oh and mission trip in june. wow. lotsa preperations to be done.

limits and limitations

where are the boundaries in a relationship? there are always grey areas. so where do you draw the line? can you really control one's sexual desires and thoughts? especially when (i dont mean to be biased) guys are the ones who are more of the sort to have temptations in their head. but do we make excuses for them and just accept that "that's just how guys are?" so intentions play a part. your heart and thoughts are the most important in any and all situations. self control.

men are from mars and women are from venus. we are both different and that has nothing to do with our personalities but more of how we are biologically wired. so that leads to conflicts most of the time. sure our personalities play a part. but ultimately it depends on our understanding of the opposite gender that really matters. the patience for each other and to not say things that can aggrevate the situation or make matters worse.

men are wired to compartmentalise but women have everything wired together. maybe because we are the more emotional of the two genders? or maybe it is some other reason.

these are things we all need to learn and cope everday. especially me i guess. prolly i need to stop making it seem like im always at fault. maybe this is a special case. its an extreme case. so my reasons are justified. but really? they always say it takes two hands to clap. so im always learning and try to shift the mindset. but are you doing the same?

and maybe that is where maturity comes in.

korea sparkling~

whoo it is the countdown to korea! i am so excited! let me see....another 21days. exactly 3 more weeks~ whoo. we already paid the deposit and our hotel looks nt bad from pics and the reviews are not bad too....hehehe

levina who has recently gone to bkk in feb has now gone off to HK today for 10 days T.T leaving me and lynn in SG. and then when she comes back another 11 days ltr its off to korea. T.T good life much???

my temper has not been too good lately. lose patience even more easily than ever lately. i wonder why....im growing up to be such a bitch O.O so i hope....but i doubt. but still i hope 3 of us wont quaral when we go over there. lols. otherwise i will just abandon them and let them get lost in seoul. muahahahha. NAH kidding babes. we Lders will stick tgt =)

me and him. we've been having too many quarals too often lately. sobs. really dont like it. and like i said...mayb coz of my loss of patience and growing into a bitch, so mayb its my fault =/ or like wad dom would say. honeymoon period is over.

need a job to replenish my korea trip expenditure. lols. $.$

working life

i srsly cnt imagine hw it would be in the future when i start working....and if i have to juggle family at that....and with heels? hah.

its early nights and aching feet for me whenever i reach home...the last time i touched my lappy was on monday....

week filled with many ups and downs disappointments, anger, laughter u name it i think i felt it.

i was so pissed w the terrible handling of applications from massey university. see the thing is i am someone who trusts ppl very easily. 100% when i first see them. but once they break my trust....its down to 0% nt even 50%. so i'd forever think tt u'd make the same mistake again. yeah sure ppl deserve second chances and to err is human....but nt when u r e one who has the control of another person's life. tt is just fucked up.

and on another hand i have this huge problem at hand...someone makes me disappointed big time all the time. mayb its just me thinking too much. or expecting too much. mayb because i haf experience relationships or also just looking at the others' this isnt something anyone deserves. yeah sure no one is the same....every relationship wld be different. but this is just so screwed up. its like no mateer hw much i am telling myself nt to have too much expectations i would still end up expecting at least the basics but even the basics cant be fulfilled. i think he better thank me when he ends up married w his future wife for the basics i have taught him coz honestly i dont see anything w him right nw. i cnt be wrong when everyone has the same opinion as me both guys and girls. i cnt rmb the last time i has really happy.

and another thing i dont understand is why do ppl sign in on msn and then go AFK for hrs and hrs? i mean sure just leave ur com on for all i care. but seriously? go on msn and then AFK? wad's the freaking point in that.

hah. my mum says i get more fiery as i grow up. LOLS. agreed. these few days i feel like im someone who isnt afraid to say wad i feel.....gd and bad i guess. i have always been like tt since i was young....only i learnt hw to laugh more to camouflage the fire in me =x

i cnt wait for the holiday in korea where i cn just have a break frm this all. i hope.....

the holidays so far

The first part time job of e holidays... at an event booth at EXPO...boring much hahaha.but e envy of some to b able to be paid to stone all day...but Im working for e money to go Korea...lols. I really hope we'd b able to go w out any hiccups coz I have been wanting to go there since 2 yrs ago....but no chance T.T...I hope e radiation hoo ha wont b e cause of e let down this time...

SIGHS. I wan go cheap shopping leh...Urgh those 2 girls went bkk alr for shopping and then 1 gg hk agn...wish my mum was more fun type like theirs ...:(

Anyways really Irritating when someone says one thing and does smth else...or doesn't mean It...happens a lot..guilty to say I do it too...

Had dinner w dom his bro n vina ytd...hehe.lotsa laughter...I think e most I had this week considering my week was so mundane n lifeless... next time work life would b like tt too x.x but Anyways e combination of e two bros r just awesome for entertainment.heh. I hope we'd have outings tgt till we're old n grey n laugh till our detures fall off...heh!

Lunch time soon...I wanna go shop during lunch. Heh. n by e time I return frm lunch it'll b 5 hrs to end of work. Yay :)

Oh jyj coming soon :) n I wanna stay over w dom n vina :( I wish my mum n aunty Sharon wld go overseas n leave Me alone at hm...y other ppl gt so much experience but I don't? U my mum has to b protective to tt extent? I'm thinking of chalet....heh. anyone?

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hellow yellow

ok. so....latest news to later news. ahahah been a long time. i really thought i posted one post recently.

erm japan hit by massive earthquake....imagine it hits singapore! @.@ quick tell ur loved ones how much u erm....love them. ahahas.
thank god really.

results will be out soon. like this coming thurs or smth....nt sure but really nervous abt it....really SUPER.

lately the dramas i have completed and are DREAM HIGH (woots awesome. watched it twice) and just recently completed my princess. now i am gg to either start on prosecutor princess or secret garden...which ever i start on first i would definately complete both...

now currently in the process of waiting for job offers for events. events are the best because u dont do the same kinda jobs all the time and also the pay is quite good and normal human hours. ahahas. i havent actually done an event job before though...mayb it isnt as good as it seems. however, from wad dom says it sounds pretty good =)

9 mths and still gg strong. im still learning and still trying my best to be erm...the best. AHAHS. thing is questions can never stop going through my head.......wad is the purpose wad do we have etc...but i have stopped overthinking or rather i am overthinking less....hmmm is it coz i have gotten over that phase, or there is nth to think abt anymore? both would be good ofcoz =)
but that spark in my eyes....is never the same as ever. i guess that spark was stolen and never returned...hmmm

ahh the hols r here....so books are in for reading nw =) recently read the love trainer. ahhahas. sightful but deadly. if i follow those i think i would end up killing myself in the process.
basically it is like treating guys like dogs. and giving them 'dog training' so that they would obey u and be more behaved...to each its own i guess...

exciting week this week =) update soon! this post is getting too long alr. =x

사랑해 baby love~

vday and MP day. over.

so. this yr's vday was pretty unforgetable...! =)

our class had a vday exchange presents day. ahahas. tt happens when ur class is all girls except 1. so the guy has no choice but to agree to it =P i had a bag full of goodies! and it was so funny hw the Lders were moving here and there in flavours trying to reserve as many seats as we cld for our class. everytime we see someone finishing we'll eye their table. then when they leave we CHIONG and put bags to chope! ahhahaha. typical SGreans.

that day was a day i wont forget coz at the end of the day....i recieved the more unexpected, best present of all =D lovelovelove. =) the first vday *winks*

then after tt it was pretty much preparing for MP poster etc and today was the long awaited MP poster presentation. and the FINALY leg of the race. everyone had different timings for the interview and the room was in a total cam whoring session! ahahas. it was fun and yet nw it seems to sink it that there are some ppl there i may not see anymore after this coming mon.....wow. soooo surreal...

soon the PDM test and ND exam would be over. and we'd all be moving on to the next phase of our lives. everyone needing to make big decisions on what to do next....i for one hate making decisions like that coz im so afraid of making the wrong choices....
and on top of that i hate getting use to new environments all over again....i'd be lucky if i get a similar class to A8A4 in uni or whatever.

MP 80% over!

yes! we submitted our FINAL report today! wow. im amazed at the speed we work at! i love u guys ttm =)

although tiring. it is fun working through the night with people u enjoy working with. ahahas. REALLY through the night man!
and when u finally do everything finish and u know u've given ur best shot. that is when u feel e sense of achievement!

lately been super addicted to a k drama called dream high. esp one of the songs. teehee. i really dont want sch to end so soon. but when i think of all the catching up of dramas to do....ICANTWAIT.LOL

im soo amazed sometimes that no matter hw busy i am my mind cn still wander off on its own and think about things totally unrelated. gees. im over thinking everything again =/ and my imagination just starts to run wild =/ irriating feeling....i hate it whenever this happens...nt tt it doesnt happen when im bust...just less. but SUPER bad when im FREE. =/

i really wonder and questions myself all the time...

anyways so its the poster presentation left! eks! scared!

hecticness

These few days school has been really hectic! more n more skipping of lunch coz we need to rush to do projects inbetween e classes we have. even weekends r burned by projects. ha! but in e face of adversity. always wear a smile. yupps. i welcome the stress and challenges that i face throughout this time.
I mean the number of petri dishes we use for microbial testing is like woah! i counted it n it amted to 108! n thats like petri dishes alone. then there r e mpn tubes. woah!
Hahaha lately totally love twitter. love it even more than fb. i nv really liked fb anyways...just for e sake of pics.

These few days been thinking too much! idk when i will ever learn to stop thinking n start taking things into my stride. And just be satiafied with what i have. I mean its not tt i. nt contented. just the human greed always wants more n seek perfection n my defence mechanism always works at super power. really tiring n irritating as well. zzzz

planned to slp early last night but i only slept @ 3+. y? coz i put others before myself. i need to think of myself more...coz this is a selfish world. if i dont look out for myself no one would either...

Reunion dinner tonight.always a small n quiet affair...and never at hm...when I have a family of my own I'm. Hoping it wld all be diff...

School ends on 1st march for me. omg. 4wks more! n just another 3wks of classes! more hecticness to come i cn predict! x.x

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