renewal

looking back and reading my previous post makes me feel so guilty about everything. its so funny how a few mths ago i was so blissful...and suddenly i have become hard hearted and did a drastic move...i find myself so scary. sighs...i wonder if im fated to haf this kinda sad life. but i gotta do what i think is right.

on the other hand i got admitted into massey university. a uni that i was so bitter about because of their screwed up system. but then agn when it is offered...without any pride i accepted. guess this kinda matters pride shldnt come in ur way.

its gonna be a hard 2 yrs though. and i hope tt lynn wld be able to help me...otherwise i'd crash n burn on my own. =/ esp maths...which i suck at =/

a new life ahead. with bittersweet changes and renewal. i hope somethings dont change though. like i wld aways haf my Lders w me and my besties. <3

comparisons

comparisons. this is wad people do all the time. compare the good stuff, or the bad. and sometimes compare ourselves to others or others with others. either way. sometimes comparison will put a person down and delude our state of mind.

it will make us start questioning ourselves. and sometimes in a bad way as well. and the effects are as bad.

it could have started or led to things such as envy. and dont get me started on envy. because once it progresses and turns to jealousy things and start to get ugly.

and so who really knows a human heart? sometimes we seem worst than animals. often compared to the loyalty of dogs. everyone is different. and yet somehow the basis are the same. it seems easier to understand others based on their behaviour and thinking. and it seems so clear to us. however, their would be the more cynical ones or the more paranoid ones who would probe ur thoughts and behaviour. because the cynics feel that things are never as they seem. could this be because of their own behaviour and thinking?thats why they think the same applies to others?

so the question is. when do u take things at face value and when can things really not be as they seem?

yes. i compare. i envy. and im cynical. and that equals to disaster brewing in my head.

back from paradise

ok korea is like the new place i dont mind migrating to anymore. aside from like london. LOLS. and besides its always good to marry someone asian rather than an ang moh right? ahahhas plus korea has cheap cheap cosmetics to encourage u to maintain good complexion.

and the food is sooo awesome~! i miss it like soooo much and like the food back home in singapore now seems so fake and lame like nothing compared to korea's original version. and although i miss korean food so much it just doesnt tempt me back here in singapore...

and although we had to walk like mad just to change from one mrt line to another. not like singapore where u just cross over and its the other line alr....and although it was quite tough but it is really good natural exercise man...i mean u can so easily just get ur 30 mins a day exercise just by using the mrt....and suddenly singapore's mrt is so boring and it just doesnt gif me the enthusiasm....like there are no korean celeb adverts arnd or like shopping centres dont play kpop songs and drive u mad...

i wonder how long it would take for me to snap back to reality and get back to normal and get used to the way things are in singapore. i am already thinking abt when and how i can go back there again like REALLY soon! gosh....not enough not enough~ T.T

the final countdwn

just another 8 hrs more and i am on my way to the airport to korea. wow. still feels sureal. and i got all excited abt it on thurs and fri. but today. lols it kinda hyped dwn agn. mayb thanks to the rejection from massey uni....

but then agn who cares abt that shitty uni. wad im bummed out abt is the direction of my life which im unsure abt. its like suddenly frm everything kinda paved to question marks sticking outta my head everywhere....

i wonder how holidaying in korea will b like....would it be not as good as we all expected? or would it be better? both are bad. LOLS.

i wanna eat my pork!!! pork belly, pork skin,

and looks like i will be spending more on others than myself. LOLS. luckily they r paying me =x

time is running out

death. that word always triggers the word "uncertainty" to me. when it hits u it hits u. u just never knw when. i wont say im glad my grams died early. but i think being an emotional crazy person i am, i wld totally bawl my eyes out....so when they did pass away at my very young age of i-can-barely-rmb, i was clueless and didnt really feel a thing actually.

although i do regret tt i cn spend much time w em and my maternal grandma cnt pass down her awesomely yummilicious nonya cooking and hsewife abilities to me.

yes. and it is here. saddens me to think wad are the possibilities that can happen for the next two years.

the news only sunk in and processed slowly in my brain. like hw an ink leak slowly seeps into the pages of papers....before reality struck and i started to play out all the possibilities in my head

i knw myself. or at least this part of it. and it scares me to think if that part that i knw. actually goes and proves itself to me during these 2 yrs.

and so now time is of the essence....between now and the day that may just set us apart for the next 2 years. or at least few weeks first, every single time spent tgt is impt. and yet there are other aims and goals on his mind. its always like this u knw. but prolly wads a priority to me isnt to him. still trying to understand our differences. find similarities amidst our differences.

and now finally all the things that i thought in my head tt im gg to do to prepare for this day and during the 2 yrs....i gotta put into practice.

anyways stupid shit of a uni hasnt gotten back to me yet till nw. really contemplating giving it up alr and just plan on my working...but figured mummy wld kill me if i were to give up e opportunity. so...i guess if i were accepted i cn go do my soul searching ltr on. or nt....

so i wld really like to be given the opportunity to discover my other interests....

i cnt believe tt just another less than 2 weeks and its off to korea. wow. why has the excitement fizzled? but i guess it would re-ignite agn ltr nearer to the date...

oh and mission trip in june. wow. lotsa preperations to be done.

limits and limitations

where are the boundaries in a relationship? there are always grey areas. so where do you draw the line? can you really control one's sexual desires and thoughts? especially when (i dont mean to be biased) guys are the ones who are more of the sort to have temptations in their head. but do we make excuses for them and just accept that "that's just how guys are?" so intentions play a part. your heart and thoughts are the most important in any and all situations. self control.

men are from mars and women are from venus. we are both different and that has nothing to do with our personalities but more of how we are biologically wired. so that leads to conflicts most of the time. sure our personalities play a part. but ultimately it depends on our understanding of the opposite gender that really matters. the patience for each other and to not say things that can aggrevate the situation or make matters worse.

men are wired to compartmentalise but women have everything wired together. maybe because we are the more emotional of the two genders? or maybe it is some other reason.

these are things we all need to learn and cope everday. especially me i guess. prolly i need to stop making it seem like im always at fault. maybe this is a special case. its an extreme case. so my reasons are justified. but really? they always say it takes two hands to clap. so im always learning and try to shift the mindset. but are you doing the same?

and maybe that is where maturity comes in.

korea sparkling~

whoo it is the countdown to korea! i am so excited! let me see....another 21days. exactly 3 more weeks~ whoo. we already paid the deposit and our hotel looks nt bad from pics and the reviews are not bad too....hehehe

levina who has recently gone to bkk in feb has now gone off to HK today for 10 days T.T leaving me and lynn in SG. and then when she comes back another 11 days ltr its off to korea. T.T good life much???

my temper has not been too good lately. lose patience even more easily than ever lately. i wonder why....im growing up to be such a bitch O.O so i hope....but i doubt. but still i hope 3 of us wont quaral when we go over there. lols. otherwise i will just abandon them and let them get lost in seoul. muahahahha. NAH kidding babes. we Lders will stick tgt =)

me and him. we've been having too many quarals too often lately. sobs. really dont like it. and like i said...mayb coz of my loss of patience and growing into a bitch, so mayb its my fault =/ or like wad dom would say. honeymoon period is over.

need a job to replenish my korea trip expenditure. lols. $.$

working life

i srsly cnt imagine hw it would be in the future when i start working....and if i have to juggle family at that....and with heels? hah.

its early nights and aching feet for me whenever i reach home...the last time i touched my lappy was on monday....

week filled with many ups and downs disappointments, anger, laughter u name it i think i felt it.

i was so pissed w the terrible handling of applications from massey university. see the thing is i am someone who trusts ppl very easily. 100% when i first see them. but once they break my trust....its down to 0% nt even 50%. so i'd forever think tt u'd make the same mistake again. yeah sure ppl deserve second chances and to err is human....but nt when u r e one who has the control of another person's life. tt is just fucked up.

and on another hand i have this huge problem at hand...someone makes me disappointed big time all the time. mayb its just me thinking too much. or expecting too much. mayb because i haf experience relationships or also just looking at the others' this isnt something anyone deserves. yeah sure no one is the same....every relationship wld be different. but this is just so screwed up. its like no mateer hw much i am telling myself nt to have too much expectations i would still end up expecting at least the basics but even the basics cant be fulfilled. i think he better thank me when he ends up married w his future wife for the basics i have taught him coz honestly i dont see anything w him right nw. i cnt be wrong when everyone has the same opinion as me both guys and girls. i cnt rmb the last time i has really happy.

and another thing i dont understand is why do ppl sign in on msn and then go AFK for hrs and hrs? i mean sure just leave ur com on for all i care. but seriously? go on msn and then AFK? wad's the freaking point in that.

hah. my mum says i get more fiery as i grow up. LOLS. agreed. these few days i feel like im someone who isnt afraid to say wad i feel.....gd and bad i guess. i have always been like tt since i was young....only i learnt hw to laugh more to camouflage the fire in me =x

i cnt wait for the holiday in korea where i cn just have a break frm this all. i hope.....

the holidays so far

The first part time job of e holidays... at an event booth at EXPO...boring much hahaha.but e envy of some to b able to be paid to stone all day...but Im working for e money to go Korea...lols. I really hope we'd b able to go w out any hiccups coz I have been wanting to go there since 2 yrs ago....but no chance T.T...I hope e radiation hoo ha wont b e cause of e let down this time...

SIGHS. I wan go cheap shopping leh...Urgh those 2 girls went bkk alr for shopping and then 1 gg hk agn...wish my mum was more fun type like theirs ...:(

Anyways really Irritating when someone says one thing and does smth else...or doesn't mean It...happens a lot..guilty to say I do it too...

Had dinner w dom his bro n vina ytd...hehe.lotsa laughter...I think e most I had this week considering my week was so mundane n lifeless... next time work life would b like tt too x.x but Anyways e combination of e two bros r just awesome for entertainment.heh. I hope we'd have outings tgt till we're old n grey n laugh till our detures fall off...heh!

Lunch time soon...I wanna go shop during lunch. Heh. n by e time I return frm lunch it'll b 5 hrs to end of work. Yay :)

Oh jyj coming soon :) n I wanna stay over w dom n vina :( I wish my mum n aunty Sharon wld go overseas n leave Me alone at hm...y other ppl gt so much experience but I don't? U my mum has to b protective to tt extent? I'm thinking of chalet....heh. anyone?

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hellow yellow

ok. so....latest news to later news. ahahah been a long time. i really thought i posted one post recently.

erm japan hit by massive earthquake....imagine it hits singapore! @.@ quick tell ur loved ones how much u erm....love them. ahahas.
thank god really.

results will be out soon. like this coming thurs or smth....nt sure but really nervous abt it....really SUPER.

lately the dramas i have completed and are DREAM HIGH (woots awesome. watched it twice) and just recently completed my princess. now i am gg to either start on prosecutor princess or secret garden...which ever i start on first i would definately complete both...

now currently in the process of waiting for job offers for events. events are the best because u dont do the same kinda jobs all the time and also the pay is quite good and normal human hours. ahahas. i havent actually done an event job before though...mayb it isnt as good as it seems. however, from wad dom says it sounds pretty good =)

9 mths and still gg strong. im still learning and still trying my best to be erm...the best. AHAHS. thing is questions can never stop going through my head.......wad is the purpose wad do we have etc...but i have stopped overthinking or rather i am overthinking less....hmmm is it coz i have gotten over that phase, or there is nth to think abt anymore? both would be good ofcoz =)
but that spark in my eyes....is never the same as ever. i guess that spark was stolen and never returned...hmmm

ahh the hols r here....so books are in for reading nw =) recently read the love trainer. ahhahas. sightful but deadly. if i follow those i think i would end up killing myself in the process.
basically it is like treating guys like dogs. and giving them 'dog training' so that they would obey u and be more behaved...to each its own i guess...

exciting week this week =) update soon! this post is getting too long alr. =x

사랑해 baby love~