rantings and mumbles

6 yrs is a long time right? so is 4 years?so is 2 years? and 1 day is all it takes for all that to be gone.
im still left guessing everything right now. nothing is being made known to me. nothing is being clarified. i really wish i knew what ur thinking. i really wonder if u have been thinking abt this at all. or have u just chucking it aside without a care.

i quote my fren 'God's (been) telling me give up, but i was trying for a miracle'

weird analogy 1: lately there is ALWAYS one ant running arnd my table. after killing ONE. suddenly ONE more appears out of no where. and it just repeats itself. i cannot seem to find where they come from. there is no melted sweet or whatever...mayb im like the ONE ant...i just keep coming back though i have been 'killed' so many times....mayb i shld stop. or i'd totally disappear one day

wierd analogy 2: everyday i try and talk to him. even though deep down i know he may not respond i still try. just like someone in coma. u'll talk to the person hoping for that miracle that someday he'd suddenly wake up right?

lol nvm if u dont understand my analogy. if u do understand. congrats! ur as wierd as me =P

quote from cinderella "a dream is a wish ur heart makes when ur fast a sleep. in dreams u will lose ur heartache...."
the other time when i had a dream-mare i didnt like it...last night when i had a sweet dream i didnt like it either. i had to slap my self literally and tell myself this kinda thing wont happen.

i wonder if he reads my blog. i wish he doesnt coz mayb if he read he'd go "so desperate and annoying" or if he does read...mayb he'd go " awwman...how could i make her so sad?"

i still believe ur not like that. i still believe u'll come back. or have i lost u for good? then again. mayb i shld really stop hoping for that miracle.

bell