group support

and so...during the past two years alone (in uni) i have done more group works than i have ever did in my whole primary, secondary and poly life put tgt. and through the clashes (of time and personalities) group work is really not easy. but in group work i guess the most impt is to not take things too personally. and its really hard not to try and rely on the better (more intelligent) person in the group. but its only natural u see...for i know that if i were to do it, the results wont be as good and i wld cause a hiccup in the progress. however, this means i prolly wont be able to learn as much as i cld. 

so fast, all group works will come to an end. and it will be a solo effort for the rest of the journey. the final year project. most of my classmates will be doing it over at new zeland. and truth be told...i feel like i have bonded better with most of em over the past 4 months due to group work. so they would be missed as i do my FYP with the remaining few in SG. i still have my repeat module and internship aft tt, so this really feels like a solo journey as i wont be graduating with the rest. i know that when i mention this no one really knows what to say or react. so i quickly try and brush it aside. looking at it in a positive way, yeah its no biggie...at least i pass this n get my cert. just slower than others. i just take a longer time to work towards that same goal. 

i have to say i really am looking forward to STOP studying. however, i know it will be another world altogether when work starts. a different and more cold world. as we grow older. we become more lonely. 

but whenever i feel really lost and down...there is always someone i can turn to. and although we still argue, be it small or big. we work it out. honesty and trust. 

another step forward to adulthood

althought i turned 21 years old just barely less than 6 mths ago...i dont feel like an adult. im still nt as independent as i wanna be. still sheltered under the wings of love of my mum.

but i will FINALLY be alone at home for the FIRST time in my life like not like alone for an aftnn kind...but like for a few days kind. although nt like i havent been away from my mum before. the 4 mths internship stint in china 2 yrs ago during poly and the annual trip overseas with friends has already given me a feel of independence.
anyway for the first night i will have the besties sleeping over :) movie marathon and our Lders ala brunch :) so exciting! havent done this in a while~~ used to be more often during the poly days. SIGH. being young has its perks i guess. 

and...i FINALLY have my own debit card. not like i havent had any bank accounts or cards before. but like FINALLY its under my  OWN  name and not some joint account with my mum and i opened it myself :) so i get to keep it and USE IT. hehe. PLUS. the card is FREE FOREVER. LOLS. 

ofcoz i cant imagine life without my mum...and i still love her and want her to be around forever. BUT. like i always sing to levina. im like a bird...i wanna fly away...(if those r even actually the correct lyrics) :x

so another two baby steps forward to adulthood for me. i dont have to worry about LOOKING like an adult though. with the help of school its giving me a big leap to looking OLD. with the lack of sleep and tons of things to do. white hairs. eye bags. wrinkles. excess fat. GONE is my youthful look. just a haggard face. MEH. 

final breath

a sudden loss of a loved one is never easy...
easy for the loved one. not for the rest. 
without much sufferings or pain. with their final breath they just slip away. 
while much mystery surrounds unanswered questions or unsaid final last words between each one of those left behind
mourn we all shall...memories we all keep...
and always that timely typical family reunion that we usually wld like to avoid.
changes would be inevitable after this. 

earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust...
we return to where we belong. we return to our maker. 
when God calls. we should be ready. 

all grown up

it dawned on me yesterday that i have already passed the 21 yrs old mark. the adulthood age. and this year i am 22. and graduating from uni in a yr. cld've been in another 6 mths :/ but ohwells. 
anyway in a yrs time. i am supposed to go out there in to the working world. and earn my own keep. yes until now i take pocket money from my mum. but i know next time i would be giving her pocket money without her having to ask.

the thought is daunting. what is installed for me in the future? what if i cant get a job. or a job that i like. did i rly study the wrong course? i prolly took a wrong turn and all the engineering has dampened my passion for food science. and also. they say ppl become more lonely as their grow up/old. on top of that...one day in the midst of growing up. my mum will not be around anymore. depressing i know. without knowing it, she has rly aged the past few yrs. 

and to take the growing up part a step further. what happens when i have my own family. my own children. will i be a good wife, a good mother? and will i still have time for myself? its no longer a game. those imaginative role playing games we played when we were young. its the real thing now. 

sure i make adult hood seem rly scary and sad. thats how i feel thinking abt it. all the uncertainties. 
once u pass that 21st birthday. once u had ur dream come true to be an adult. once all the hype is gone. what's left is just uncertainties and the realization that now everything just got more real. and that soon the burden on my shoulders would grow heavier although there will be no more exams or tests or grades to be concerned about. there are other versions of tests and grades that are awaiting me. 

sky high

ok so this post has nothing to do with the tittle. just the fact that my continuous fascination about the sky i.e clouds, stars and raindrops. 

and so taking my second repeated module...and hopefully the LAST repeated module. this 2013 JAN is passing too quickly. before u know it it is going to be feb and i have TONS to do. project proposal, CNY and followed by exams. and then before u know it again half of my classmates will be flying off to NZ. MEH. aft the last time gg on a trip with anyone that lasts more than a week or two...i better be more cautious and hence, not going. 

starting to feel more at ease and less awkward with the junior class. even had thoughts that i would fit in better with this batch. the atmosphere is just different. more light and airy. more friendly with more laughs despite the stressful everydays. quite a difference i must say. however...the intelligence level is comparable or even better D: 

i really need to be "on the ball"... ahh expectations expectations...

i stay true to myself. 
if im not happy i show it.
if i am i show it.
so what if that is wearing my emotions on my sleeve
at least im being real.

letting go

just back from a winter white christmas in KOREA. whoo! with dearest :D and dearest says my favourite hobby is to collect korean passport stamps. AHAHHA. kidding. expensive eh.
brrr. it was shivering cold there. ICY-16oC cold." fingers wanna drop off and you cant even feel it" kinda cold. BUT. i love the cold AHAHHA. saddist as it may seem....back in singapore i instantly got sick prolly due to airplane food (which i promise myself never to eat anymore). but i ascertain it to being "korea sick
" NOPE. not sick of korea. NEVER! but like miss korea till im sick. like home sick ya know. 

so went to places i didnt go to before like apgujeongand namdaemun hongdae and revisted places like insa dong myeong dong, dongdaemun and ehwa uni. just awesome awesome. all except for apgujeong .... rly not my range of pricing for things. but being winter didnt get much clothes more of cosmetics....next time i wld just go to myeong dong, dongdaemun, ehwa and hongdae. so just 2 days in seoul and more time at like say....daegu~~ or gyeonggi-do~~ really miss korea already. singaporeans r rly fortunate in some sense. especially the subway lines yo!

anyway the day after coming back from korea was a nightmare. vomitted 3 times and diarrhea. ECKS. horrible experience. 

and on a random or not so random note...
letting go of hatred or resentment...really makes you really free. all that hatred just consumes you. but when u let it go...u can concentrate on other things. being the bigger person. just really pays off in that sense

cheers~ merry christmas to everyone~ 
there are 12 days to christmas so im nt late :P

my big break

life is really unpredictable. have you ever wondered how many ppl would actually be sad to see you go? would they visit u at the hospital? would they go to ur funeral. or will they say "good riddance"

that was just random.

on a brighter note.. first repeat paper over..if i were to fail it AGAIN. i should just kill myself. 
so now its the hols and its KOREA again!! woots~ winter this time. hope to see snow just like in the tweet pics i have been seeing :) not VERY excited abt the shopping...coz its winter...but still EXCITED for the FOOOODDD and also the atmosphere. HEHES. seeing celeb's endorsements and hearing them in the shops..just the thought of it and it lifts my spirits...ahh~ and it will be the first holiday with dearest! :D

but yet...thinking abt what im leaving behind in singapore...my barely started project just makes me slightly nervous. 

glad for this break. and yet another christmas overseas :)

happenings

lets start with the most recent thing! 

i went to JB for the first time! WOOT WOOT. yeah i know im like 21 alr and never been there >.> in fact the FIRST time i went to ANY part of M'SIA at all was like in 2010 to genting and KL with levinaaaa~
so anyway i have always heard things abt JB. both good and bad...like the stuff there is really cheap but dangerous place etc. but ah well...went w eugene dear n his parents and i was really excited to see how it is really like there...
i FINALLY bought a replacement phone cover ( coz SG doesnt stock nice S2 covers anymore T.T) and i changed my screen protector and all cost like less than 10SGD! i was so happy! (not abt the price but tt i finally found it aft searching for so long) 
went to JUSTCO and had the korean food that eugene's family talks abt ever so often...well its ok i guess...yeah reasonable price but not the best korean food i have eaten i guess...then i went to their supermarket. so many ppl! >.< then proceeded on the GIANT. some of the things there are really quite cheap! like the MAGNUM ice cream! 10 RM for 3!! on top of that they have flavours not available in SG! i was like O.O! in the end MAN! they REALLY bought ALOT of stuff! 
the jam is really terrible and their system there is really quite backwards...what do singaporeans have so much to complain abT?! :) but it was a great change of environment for a date...although it was w the parents...i wld definately want to go there again! 

and so...moving on...classes has been so bleh...juniors are really nice ppl...puts us to shame honestly...but im such an anti social i cant even stand it. and so loneliness always sets in...and this week i learnt tt loneliness is a horrible thing...makes us think or do things that we wld never have thought we wld...
on top of that...no one to really push and give me the momentum to study...so really slacking off alot and not rly having the urgency to study although im supposed to be scoring better since it is my second try. and my FYP is also suffering >.< so behind schedule if i might say so myself 

and so christmas is coming! so excited for it! prepared some gifts to give to others before i go for my holiday....once again...it will be a christmas overseas and hopefully a white christmas again :) i think half of my life i have spent christmas overseas....however, i wld like to visit a place in autumn one day. 

and now tt i am 21....im afraid of the unknown :/ 

friends and what nots

and so have sorta started again...re-taking packaging and engineering with the juniors :/ all alone from the senior batch coz the others bailed n dropped out. thank god for that really nice NYP junior that i sat next to.... and that levina's office is just near by for me to have lunch with during really long lunch breaks...just to chit chat n brighten my somber mood...

i hate to admit it...but i miss lynnette! D: hahahas. i miss the teh o peng da that we will share for breakfast...and chatting w each other during lecture when it gets boring...those simple things...

but i must admit...without all the distractions...i dont fall aslp in class and i pay more attention! but maybe because i have only 2-3 hrs of lecture instead of like 7.... poor juniors. >.< i cant wait for this paper to be over! 

it sucks to know and admit it to yourself that there are people out there who dont like you. you wonder what u did wrong....but u would prolly not know. but that is reality. :( just have to live with it. and pray that everything would get better...

可能我越帮越忙。。。what would an only child know right? 只会令人讨厌。。。i have learnt things the hard way. i wont cross the line again...

the girl next door

yes. everyone is envious of one each other. wanting something the other person has but you dont. be it looks, money, intelligence. yes i am guilty of that sometimes. who can really say we are 100% satisfied with ourseleves. but i always got to remind myself that we are all born differently. looks is prolly the easiest to change, with the right clothes, make up, diets etc. but what really is inside you, your attitude, your heart, that will outshine your looks. 

people maybe attracted to how you look first, well humans are visual creatures. but slowly, it is whats inside that will come out. people will forget about how you look because they would either be captured by your personality or put off by it. 
either that or you would attract the wrong attention. attracting the fake and the hypocrites who want to ride on your popularity, to get things out of you, from you. benefits. that you wont benefit from. but feeds your ego. but what is the point in all that? when you really need someone to turn to in times of need. who can you really trust? who are your true friends? 

so what if you are just a plain jane?just "the girl next door"? even and ugly duckling can become a beautiful swan naturally. 

at least i have trustworthy friends and someone DEAR who loves me for me :)