busy at the wrong time

nothing is as i have expected so far working here. i am here just wasting my time away without any sense of acheivement. jealousy and envy is all i can say to describe how i feel when i hear the stories of how "bad" the students are that lynn tells me whenever we meet up. at least she has the experience of them even being bad. as for me? who am i to comment at all, for i have not even had the chance to taste such rebellious behaviour.

pardon me for my use of formal language and full sentences with flowery words for i have just read a book consisting of students' compositions. although it does not seem interesting at all to a normal person, it is interesting to me when compared to doing nothing. how i yearn and wish for my working days back when i was selling bedsheets. although customers were just a few, the fun i had there was plenty.

and on top of all the excitment, i am stuck with an eejit that fits the word BORING to a tee. i am someone who likes to entertain and be entertained. but all i am getting for the past 2, coming to 3 weeks is just one end of the bargain. as you would probably know, i have given up on thinking and brainstorming on topics to talk about as they are just mostly me doing the useless banter.

and finally not forgetting, i hardly have any ME time to myself now. gone are the days where i could sleep at 2-3am and only wake up at 1pm and slowly cook myself a very satisfying simple lunch and re-watching VCDs or going on youtube. it seems like there are a thousand and one things i have yet to accomplish whenever i am back home. but in school, the days are are just mundane. and i am just watching the days crawl by me like a tortoise that has an overly-heavy shell.

i am even blogging right now because i am so free and i can hardly find the time to do so at home. what's with the irony in all this?

and with all this free time, i just keep filling my head with memories and think thoughts that are just uneccessary. sometimes i just feel like giving up on my mission. but that would just bring me back to square one and all the effort and determination i had put in would all come to naught.

=bell