the girl next door

yes. everyone is envious of one each other. wanting something the other person has but you dont. be it looks, money, intelligence. yes i am guilty of that sometimes. who can really say we are 100% satisfied with ourseleves. but i always got to remind myself that we are all born differently. looks is prolly the easiest to change, with the right clothes, make up, diets etc. but what really is inside you, your attitude, your heart, that will outshine your looks. 

people maybe attracted to how you look first, well humans are visual creatures. but slowly, it is whats inside that will come out. people will forget about how you look because they would either be captured by your personality or put off by it. 
either that or you would attract the wrong attention. attracting the fake and the hypocrites who want to ride on your popularity, to get things out of you, from you. benefits. that you wont benefit from. but feeds your ego. but what is the point in all that? when you really need someone to turn to in times of need. who can you really trust? who are your true friends? 

so what if you are just a plain jane?just "the girl next door"? even and ugly duckling can become a beautiful swan naturally. 

at least i have trustworthy friends and someone DEAR who loves me for me :) 

short break

as i have previously mentioned... or not. i am on a short break from school. not a well deserved break...but a break none the less. 

this break. really nice. break from going to school break from the people in school break from studying break from everything school related. just lazing at home. getting to do things that i havent had to chance to really relaxingly, without a worry or care, enjoy doing. like baking and reading watching tv...

tried all sorts of new things that i have not tried before. ventured out of the basic cookies and muffins. but onto something still easily done but not the usual. eg. lemon bars and mushroom bacon quiche. turned out to be quite a success. not perfect. but acceptable to my and dear's standard :) that is the important part. 
ofcoz again...my bread was disastrous...i can never bake a perfect bread...why?? but i shall try again...

and reading. read a novel today...a whole book in a day. was so awesome. got to experience those feelings that i used to when i read a book in the past. laugh at the jokes, cry at the sad parts...maybe the book is really good. but its abt a girl who feels insecure all the time abt herself and she manages to realise that she is beautiful as she is :') the title of the book is my big nose and other natural disasters. guess which part she hated abt herself the most. hahas!

and my mood has really improved. because now everything moves at the pace i want. i do things i want to do and i get to decide when i want to do it. i get adequate sleep and rest. like 10 hrs a day man! and i get to just relax and enjoy home movies on saturdays or just walking around with dear. 
everything can be done without a preoccupied mind. without worrying like oh no. i got this project or report due date coming up i got a test or exam coming up...

and i also get to spend more time with mummy like shopping or having lunch together...or even just being at home with her..at least she has company now. 

but that having said...a part of me wishes that i dont have to retake any damn exam and actually started my internship already. but well. life gives you lemons...make lemonade...

improvements

my mood swings has been better...still occassionally bad...

but ever since BIG BANG'S ALIVE GALAXY TOUR CONCERT...i feel much happier. mayb it is becoz of the belting out the songs together or screaming my lungs out to cheer them or getting sun burned... or having  music therapy from their live voices....whatever it is...it works...worth the money spent.
and mosh pit...was really a diff experience...all the squeezing and lack of air is worth it when u can just see them so close like u could touch them but cant...
ahhh now i can experience what i always see at DBSK concerts... where the fans get to shake hands with them....
never before. have i been to a concert this good. well the short moment of a joint concert which 2ne1 and big bang participated in was quite good...but wasnt enough...now just big bang was really awesome...but not enough! I WANT MORE. WE WANT MORE. PLEASE COME BACK!! GD is really full of charisma and like a chameleon...and daesung's voice was really awesome and seungri and taeyang r really entertaining and TOP is just...TOP hahahha!

a YG family concert would be interesting too! imagine it... 2NE1 + BIG BANG + SE7EN....ok la the se7en part was slightly anti climax but his songs r nice also!

today...just had the suckiest paper of my life...taking a break before resuming studies for the next on friday...im guessing i would be meeting this ppr again next yr...zzz

just to motivate myself..

no improvement

i really wonder if i have depression...or maybe bipolar?one moment im happy and the next i get irritated/angsty/sad/crying/
it takes so little to trigger the tears to fall from my eyes. things hasnt changed or improved much since the last post. im at a loss. all i can do is wallow in self pity and cry. 

dear is just a poor thing. needing to take care of his own problems with my own also on his shoulders.
i can help him or other's with their problems. i just cnt seem to help myself. 

for the past 1 year....since last year august 2011 to now september 2012, i cant rmb another time like this that i was this unhappy all the time. i do try to make myself be happy in front of others, in front of friends. but when im alone at home. when i am free...that's when it all begins. usually that happens before bed...so crying to sleep is starting to become a practice. 

changes need to be made. changes need to start. soon i will be 21. perhaps then...that is when all will start changing...

Negative energy

so much negative energy in me lately. initially i blamed it on PMS. but now the time of the month is over! what excuse can i have now? i have happiness in my palm...but i cant seem to grasp it and it is slowly slipping away. im slowly slipping away...i cant seem to find my true self anymore. just like a chameleon adapting to the colours of the environment that you don't even know the true colour of that lizard.  usually the negativity lasts for a day and when i wake up the next, it goes away...but this time...it keeps coming back. im making the people around me tired. im feeling tired myself. the negatives seem to overcast the positives. what is the solution? i think i know the answer...but what am i doing about it? thats what makes me hate myself more.

its like a mine field....just a slight touch would cause it to explode....

i feel so sorry...becoz it seems like only that one person is bearing the heat of the fire.

hello happiness...tell me where you've been.

just one direction

if only all of us have the direction/purpose we have in life from the day we are born..and our whole life we would be running towards that and not be wasting time wondering if the path we are on right now is the right one. and right now im still struggling...with 20 yrs of my life already passed by...

on a brighter note ytd marked our 6 mths :) but we had our 6th month-versary meal at shangri-la rasa sentosa for buffet breakfast...did not take any pics but here is the interior. had a very satisfactory time together. although i would say that the price is quite high for a breakfast...but the ambience and his company was enough to compensate. 

we wore, my so called version of our evisu couple tee today :)

everything just seems so right. 

just like today and everyday

the comfort in you hugs

and love in your eyes

this time it will be the last

ahead

we are always asked to think ahead. the goal in mind. but how often do we really practice that? even i...have lost that goal that i tried reaching for. and now its more "like a live for the moment" days. but yet. there really isnt much time left. im growing older. going out into the society is soon. time is running out. age is creeping up. but what does the future hold for me? 

and to put thinking ahead into another context. think before u speak. and this too. how often do we really think about the consequences of out speech. what hurt we may inflict. or how the other person would feel about it. and funny enough. its away the hurtful or blunt or necessary things that we are so quick to say out. and too late to take the words back. and yet. the good things we hold in back inside. or take too long to consider if we shld say it that the moment or opportunity has passed. why is that? 

what is the point in saying all those words? to make urself feel good abt urself? to make urself feel superior over others? that means selfishness. because everything is abt "me" and not abt how the other person would feel. but how would that reflect ur upbringing? that ur spoilt? or that ur parents r the same? once again. selfishness. 

but ofcoz we are all human. its normal to say things without thinking. including myself. its smth hard to change. but perhaps...if we start thinking more about others. and less about ourselves. things would be different. sure you may argue u r just being straight forward. take it or leave it. but there is a difference between that. and saying things for the sake of saying it. to have the last say in things. just stop and think. are those words really necessary?

and perhaps. the EQ thing about genders....guys lesser than girls isnt true. that is just a stereotype. coz im pretty sure i know a girl who has about as low as ZERO EQ. at least i didnt say negative. 

weekend spent with bliss

a really fruitful and happy weekend spent. friday went to buy dear's brother's birthday present 

then sat morning baked my favourite chocolate chip cookies for dear and his family...technically only his bro n him would eat anyways hahas

then at night we gave his bro a birthay dinner treat! saboten at T1 and swensen's banana split at T2. hahas well...saboten is rly just katsu and katsu. they shld have more sides. and swensen's banana was unripe! >< the horror. but as always sticky chewy chocolate was awesome :) well the pictures below are from the internet...but it was rly what we ate too. we forgot to take pictures :/

and finally sunday today...spent 3 hrs in the kitchen cooking dinner! with dear as my helper. hehes :D tried out my uncle's ngoh hiang recipe for the first time...been on a ngoh hiang craze recently. ahahha. ofcoz there was like a billion other dishes too...like ABC soup, stir fried sweet potato leaves, korean chilli grilled chicken...i attempt to try expanding my knowledge of cooking more dishes. haha.

and the best thing abt spending so long in the kitchen is when the ppl u cook for enjoys it :) 

sure we have out disagreements and unhapiness and fights. but in the end. what matters is that we are still happy. and i know i am to have you :) 

but now it is back to reality. school tmr. ah just the thought of it sucks. zzz  :'(

the power of two

really enjoyed today's sermon :) 
finally a speaker who actually tells jokes that are funny and catches the attention of the congregation well. 


today is all abt the power of two. the power of relationships. and no it is not only abt husbands and wives or BGR. but between family members and friends too. really meaningful. 


we live in a perfectionist word. focusing on how we can perfect something and not abt how we achieved it. and really the perfect example would be school grades. not many ppl are perfectly contented with what they have. if they had a B they would be upset tt they didnt get a B+ if it was a B+ they wld be upset they didnt get an A. 


and another, this is really something that i totally see in many, a good leader is someone who looks at the mirror when he achieves smth. but a great leader is someone who looks in the mirror when he fails and at people when he achieves smth. well....this isnt the exact words...but something along those lines.


mini-holiday over tmr. and its back to school. >_< and then its the start of smth that sounds so cheem alr. industrial research techniques =_= 


been eating and getting temperamental too much this few days. still. really hate PMS =_=


to be able to properly live your life, you gotta put aside your past. or your past will live in ur present and future. your past will live your life for you. 


   

to live and breathe another day.

We tend to get so caught up in the complicated we forget to be thankful for the simple. 


on a side note, was discussing with friends abt science and baking. yes it  was, is and will always be facinating to me. really miss studying that in poly. makes me question myself yet again what am i doing here now. no i dont regret taking my course in poly. but maybe uni...yes. 

Patience. thats all it takes. or maybe the chinese word seems more appropriate too. 忍. seems simple. but possibly one of the hardest task. 


but yet surely it is important. otherwise it wont be a fruit of the spirit. becoz God knows what is best for us.