happenings

lets start with the most recent thing! 

i went to JB for the first time! WOOT WOOT. yeah i know im like 21 alr and never been there >.> in fact the FIRST time i went to ANY part of M'SIA at all was like in 2010 to genting and KL with levinaaaa~
so anyway i have always heard things abt JB. both good and bad...like the stuff there is really cheap but dangerous place etc. but ah well...went w eugene dear n his parents and i was really excited to see how it is really like there...
i FINALLY bought a replacement phone cover ( coz SG doesnt stock nice S2 covers anymore T.T) and i changed my screen protector and all cost like less than 10SGD! i was so happy! (not abt the price but tt i finally found it aft searching for so long) 
went to JUSTCO and had the korean food that eugene's family talks abt ever so often...well its ok i guess...yeah reasonable price but not the best korean food i have eaten i guess...then i went to their supermarket. so many ppl! >.< then proceeded on the GIANT. some of the things there are really quite cheap! like the MAGNUM ice cream! 10 RM for 3!! on top of that they have flavours not available in SG! i was like O.O! in the end MAN! they REALLY bought ALOT of stuff! 
the jam is really terrible and their system there is really quite backwards...what do singaporeans have so much to complain abT?! :) but it was a great change of environment for a date...although it was w the parents...i wld definately want to go there again! 

and so...moving on...classes has been so bleh...juniors are really nice ppl...puts us to shame honestly...but im such an anti social i cant even stand it. and so loneliness always sets in...and this week i learnt tt loneliness is a horrible thing...makes us think or do things that we wld never have thought we wld...
on top of that...no one to really push and give me the momentum to study...so really slacking off alot and not rly having the urgency to study although im supposed to be scoring better since it is my second try. and my FYP is also suffering >.< so behind schedule if i might say so myself 

and so christmas is coming! so excited for it! prepared some gifts to give to others before i go for my holiday....once again...it will be a christmas overseas and hopefully a white christmas again :) i think half of my life i have spent christmas overseas....however, i wld like to visit a place in autumn one day. 

and now tt i am 21....im afraid of the unknown :/ 

friends and what nots

and so have sorta started again...re-taking packaging and engineering with the juniors :/ all alone from the senior batch coz the others bailed n dropped out. thank god for that really nice NYP junior that i sat next to.... and that levina's office is just near by for me to have lunch with during really long lunch breaks...just to chit chat n brighten my somber mood...

i hate to admit it...but i miss lynnette! D: hahahas. i miss the teh o peng da that we will share for breakfast...and chatting w each other during lecture when it gets boring...those simple things...

but i must admit...without all the distractions...i dont fall aslp in class and i pay more attention! but maybe because i have only 2-3 hrs of lecture instead of like 7.... poor juniors. >.< i cant wait for this paper to be over! 

it sucks to know and admit it to yourself that there are people out there who dont like you. you wonder what u did wrong....but u would prolly not know. but that is reality. :( just have to live with it. and pray that everything would get better...

可能我越帮越忙。。。what would an only child know right? 只会令人讨厌。。。i have learnt things the hard way. i wont cross the line again...

the girl next door

yes. everyone is envious of one each other. wanting something the other person has but you dont. be it looks, money, intelligence. yes i am guilty of that sometimes. who can really say we are 100% satisfied with ourseleves. but i always got to remind myself that we are all born differently. looks is prolly the easiest to change, with the right clothes, make up, diets etc. but what really is inside you, your attitude, your heart, that will outshine your looks. 

people maybe attracted to how you look first, well humans are visual creatures. but slowly, it is whats inside that will come out. people will forget about how you look because they would either be captured by your personality or put off by it. 
either that or you would attract the wrong attention. attracting the fake and the hypocrites who want to ride on your popularity, to get things out of you, from you. benefits. that you wont benefit from. but feeds your ego. but what is the point in all that? when you really need someone to turn to in times of need. who can you really trust? who are your true friends? 

so what if you are just a plain jane?just "the girl next door"? even and ugly duckling can become a beautiful swan naturally. 

at least i have trustworthy friends and someone DEAR who loves me for me :) 

short break

as i have previously mentioned... or not. i am on a short break from school. not a well deserved break...but a break none the less. 

this break. really nice. break from going to school break from the people in school break from studying break from everything school related. just lazing at home. getting to do things that i havent had to chance to really relaxingly, without a worry or care, enjoy doing. like baking and reading watching tv...

tried all sorts of new things that i have not tried before. ventured out of the basic cookies and muffins. but onto something still easily done but not the usual. eg. lemon bars and mushroom bacon quiche. turned out to be quite a success. not perfect. but acceptable to my and dear's standard :) that is the important part. 
ofcoz again...my bread was disastrous...i can never bake a perfect bread...why?? but i shall try again...

and reading. read a novel today...a whole book in a day. was so awesome. got to experience those feelings that i used to when i read a book in the past. laugh at the jokes, cry at the sad parts...maybe the book is really good. but its abt a girl who feels insecure all the time abt herself and she manages to realise that she is beautiful as she is :') the title of the book is my big nose and other natural disasters. guess which part she hated abt herself the most. hahas!

and my mood has really improved. because now everything moves at the pace i want. i do things i want to do and i get to decide when i want to do it. i get adequate sleep and rest. like 10 hrs a day man! and i get to just relax and enjoy home movies on saturdays or just walking around with dear. 
everything can be done without a preoccupied mind. without worrying like oh no. i got this project or report due date coming up i got a test or exam coming up...

and i also get to spend more time with mummy like shopping or having lunch together...or even just being at home with her..at least she has company now. 

but that having said...a part of me wishes that i dont have to retake any damn exam and actually started my internship already. but well. life gives you lemons...make lemonade...

improvements

my mood swings has been better...still occassionally bad...

but ever since BIG BANG'S ALIVE GALAXY TOUR CONCERT...i feel much happier. mayb it is becoz of the belting out the songs together or screaming my lungs out to cheer them or getting sun burned... or having  music therapy from their live voices....whatever it is...it works...worth the money spent.
and mosh pit...was really a diff experience...all the squeezing and lack of air is worth it when u can just see them so close like u could touch them but cant...
ahhh now i can experience what i always see at DBSK concerts... where the fans get to shake hands with them....
never before. have i been to a concert this good. well the short moment of a joint concert which 2ne1 and big bang participated in was quite good...but wasnt enough...now just big bang was really awesome...but not enough! I WANT MORE. WE WANT MORE. PLEASE COME BACK!! GD is really full of charisma and like a chameleon...and daesung's voice was really awesome and seungri and taeyang r really entertaining and TOP is just...TOP hahahha!

a YG family concert would be interesting too! imagine it... 2NE1 + BIG BANG + SE7EN....ok la the se7en part was slightly anti climax but his songs r nice also!

today...just had the suckiest paper of my life...taking a break before resuming studies for the next on friday...im guessing i would be meeting this ppr again next yr...zzz

just to motivate myself..

no improvement

i really wonder if i have depression...or maybe bipolar?one moment im happy and the next i get irritated/angsty/sad/crying/
it takes so little to trigger the tears to fall from my eyes. things hasnt changed or improved much since the last post. im at a loss. all i can do is wallow in self pity and cry. 

dear is just a poor thing. needing to take care of his own problems with my own also on his shoulders.
i can help him or other's with their problems. i just cnt seem to help myself. 

for the past 1 year....since last year august 2011 to now september 2012, i cant rmb another time like this that i was this unhappy all the time. i do try to make myself be happy in front of others, in front of friends. but when im alone at home. when i am free...that's when it all begins. usually that happens before bed...so crying to sleep is starting to become a practice. 

changes need to be made. changes need to start. soon i will be 21. perhaps then...that is when all will start changing...

Negative energy

so much negative energy in me lately. initially i blamed it on PMS. but now the time of the month is over! what excuse can i have now? i have happiness in my palm...but i cant seem to grasp it and it is slowly slipping away. im slowly slipping away...i cant seem to find my true self anymore. just like a chameleon adapting to the colours of the environment that you don't even know the true colour of that lizard.  usually the negativity lasts for a day and when i wake up the next, it goes away...but this time...it keeps coming back. im making the people around me tired. im feeling tired myself. the negatives seem to overcast the positives. what is the solution? i think i know the answer...but what am i doing about it? thats what makes me hate myself more.

its like a mine field....just a slight touch would cause it to explode....

i feel so sorry...becoz it seems like only that one person is bearing the heat of the fire.

hello happiness...tell me where you've been.

just one direction

if only all of us have the direction/purpose we have in life from the day we are born..and our whole life we would be running towards that and not be wasting time wondering if the path we are on right now is the right one. and right now im still struggling...with 20 yrs of my life already passed by...

on a brighter note ytd marked our 6 mths :) but we had our 6th month-versary meal at shangri-la rasa sentosa for buffet breakfast...did not take any pics but here is the interior. had a very satisfactory time together. although i would say that the price is quite high for a breakfast...but the ambience and his company was enough to compensate. 

we wore, my so called version of our evisu couple tee today :)

everything just seems so right. 

just like today and everyday

the comfort in you hugs

and love in your eyes

this time it will be the last

ahead

we are always asked to think ahead. the goal in mind. but how often do we really practice that? even i...have lost that goal that i tried reaching for. and now its more "like a live for the moment" days. but yet. there really isnt much time left. im growing older. going out into the society is soon. time is running out. age is creeping up. but what does the future hold for me? 

and to put thinking ahead into another context. think before u speak. and this too. how often do we really think about the consequences of out speech. what hurt we may inflict. or how the other person would feel about it. and funny enough. its away the hurtful or blunt or necessary things that we are so quick to say out. and too late to take the words back. and yet. the good things we hold in back inside. or take too long to consider if we shld say it that the moment or opportunity has passed. why is that? 

what is the point in saying all those words? to make urself feel good abt urself? to make urself feel superior over others? that means selfishness. because everything is abt "me" and not abt how the other person would feel. but how would that reflect ur upbringing? that ur spoilt? or that ur parents r the same? once again. selfishness. 

but ofcoz we are all human. its normal to say things without thinking. including myself. its smth hard to change. but perhaps...if we start thinking more about others. and less about ourselves. things would be different. sure you may argue u r just being straight forward. take it or leave it. but there is a difference between that. and saying things for the sake of saying it. to have the last say in things. just stop and think. are those words really necessary?

and perhaps. the EQ thing about genders....guys lesser than girls isnt true. that is just a stereotype. coz im pretty sure i know a girl who has about as low as ZERO EQ. at least i didnt say negative. 

weekend spent with bliss

a really fruitful and happy weekend spent. friday went to buy dear's brother's birthday present 

then sat morning baked my favourite chocolate chip cookies for dear and his family...technically only his bro n him would eat anyways hahas

then at night we gave his bro a birthay dinner treat! saboten at T1 and swensen's banana split at T2. hahas well...saboten is rly just katsu and katsu. they shld have more sides. and swensen's banana was unripe! >< the horror. but as always sticky chewy chocolate was awesome :) well the pictures below are from the internet...but it was rly what we ate too. we forgot to take pictures :/

and finally sunday today...spent 3 hrs in the kitchen cooking dinner! with dear as my helper. hehes :D tried out my uncle's ngoh hiang recipe for the first time...been on a ngoh hiang craze recently. ahahha. ofcoz there was like a billion other dishes too...like ABC soup, stir fried sweet potato leaves, korean chilli grilled chicken...i attempt to try expanding my knowledge of cooking more dishes. haha.

and the best thing abt spending so long in the kitchen is when the ppl u cook for enjoys it :) 

sure we have out disagreements and unhapiness and fights. but in the end. what matters is that we are still happy. and i know i am to have you :) 

but now it is back to reality. school tmr. ah just the thought of it sucks. zzz  :'(