16th post in china

the weekends are coming to and end in a few hours time. i am going to make FULLL FULLL use of it by ironing and blogging and....idk...aahaaha
sooo...... anyways i think i had like the longest webcam convo with my mum ytd. and we talked like old times like i was back in SG and we were sharing abt our day with each other in the car on the way home.....ahh~

and i spent like 300RMB = to 60SGD ytd in a single day. wow right. ahahhaha but i bought TONS of things
i bought like a yellow tee. and a yellow slippers.(another slipper!) and my mum was funny she said it was to match my yellow specs so i can go for FT concert! aahahahah! that is a BRILLIANT idea...why didnt i think of that? NOW i ammm sooooo preped for them to go SG again.
and then i bought black 3/4 (which is similar to HIS berms....SOOO not on purpose. hope we never ever wear it on the same day =x)
and then i bought this UBER cool contact lenses cleaning set thing...ahahaaha like some pro in the optitian shop.
then...i bought a bra...AGAIN! this is like the 3rd one i bought here. and not counting the tons of bra straps i bought too before. (oops extra info =P) gees. lynnette! ur influence is spreading far and wide!
and then when i went to metersbowne....it saw TONS and TONS of tees that i can buy for LGEE guys and andrius, ianson, nic etc. ahhh~! broke broke broke le la!
and then i bought sun block...which smells like....PINEAPPLE! ahahahahha! and i bought a body scrub for like 2 SGD coz it was on offer! OMGG....

speaking of which i have finish buying gifts for almost all the LGEE girls except a few still looking arnd to see what to get...EKS!

wanna know something else super awesome? ytd i drank my sparkling wine...and i got turned off by the taste...wow right. and now i cant even stand he smell of blueberrywine...yippee...seems like i back to normal now disliking alcohol. no idea what came over me the other time. i guessed now that i have tried...im no long curious.

(credit: rach's blog)
get it? haahhahahhah~!

idk.i just feel the need to be happy and bubbly right now in the light of recent events. so that my smile will light up the day temporarily for someone. so that i will be able to comfort that someone. and so that that someone can lean on me. and i will be able to take that someone away from reality and the stress and worries reality offers. so that i will be able to share the burden and yet not be affected. coz i know that when i frown so do u. when im sad so are u. when im worried u worry more. i oddly thank god that i am able to do something like this for someone.

we're one 1+1 = 1 (credit: lz's blog) (wow. are u surprised at these words? coz i am...aaahhaha.eks~)

bell

15th post in china

wow! wee~ it is friday today. yesterday was thursday. and tomorrow is saturday and the day after is sunday~! aahhaha. rambling. i am now currently in the midst of doing an experiment on my own! how exciting is it?? teehee. first time maaa~ senior busy u see.

ahhh end of working days...for the week. and everyone seems tired. except me? although i am not worry free. but my worries and pains seem so trivial.ahahaha. mayb because im tired of being so lifeless and listless and moody....so that i can help ppl arnd me!

god provides. seriously. coz i was asking rach to send me the next few mth's daily bread book but she said that china will check mails so if they see some christian stuff they will confiscate and throw. and then i told eugene that and he helped me to find and subscribe to daily bread EMAILS. how cool is that? i didnt even know. ahhaahhaa. now i have daily bread at the convinence of anywhere.

so....today's one says...that our time is in god's hands. we can go anytime. some of us may have shorter lives than others. he has already planned out our life. the thing is....are we trusting him for what he has planned next for us tomorrow, the day after, and for our whole life's calendar?
quote: Our times are in God’s hands; our souls are in His keeping.

that gets me thinking.....so how should i use my remaining time here on earth. how can i and how should i spend it wisely.

i need more direction in life. i dont wanna walk aimlessly and without a purpose. god please guide me so i will not lose my way again.

bell

14th post in china

and so the weekends are just peeking around the corner. lalala~ shld i be looking forward?

it finally rained today after the past few days of scorching sun. just came back to work today but as usual doing nothing. i better prepare for the hot weather to come. need sunblock. and the dorm room is getting quite stuffy and hot. zzzz....

there are many reasons why i dont like to show my true feelings.
1. so that u wont feel vulnerable
2. to avoid hurt/offence
3. some true feelings are ugly.

sometimes i wish that i had no emotions. i hate sadness, anger, jealousy, sometimes even happiness. coz i always wonder....how long can i be this happy before my bubble bursts?

quote: if u never take the risk to get hurt. u never know what kinda of happiness u can get.

but sometimes.....is it really worth it?

its funny how me and andrius have seemed to grow apart. ever since that last misunderstanding... now i realise it was all along me keeping us together. did it really had to take a fight to see? i guess i was just ignoring that fact all along and in denial. maybe i should have taken a step back earlier to see the bigger picture. do i need to find everything new about him through FB? it saddens me alot to how things come to a stage like this. or am i just overthinking things and he is really just busy. i just have to try working things out again when i go back.....to shorten the gap between us.

suddenly wonder how different things would be when i go back to SG.

bell

fangirling 47

teehee~ mblaq's Y live is out! woots~ and joon at the last part....KYAAA~! ahaahha


and also LOVE cn blue's new song. and yong hwa is looking good. poor him though....may need to go operation for his vocal cords?!?! O.O


andandand im still waiting for shinee's comeback....
andandand suju going to SG FOR SHOWCASE!!!!! which i am not there!!!!! ROAR!!!!!
on a side note. i cannot believe shindong has a gf and proposed to her alr. wowowowow.

and lastly, i never thought that there would ever come a day like this.....BUT i actually prefer DBSKs JAP ver. of love in the ice than their KOREAN ver. WOW. shocked myself. just that....the lyrics for the jap ver. is sooo much more meaningful and romantic. kekeke. i no longer want "my little princess" as my wedding song alr.....i want love in the ice (MUST BE JAP VER.) =x the song is my blog song now btw. teehee~ feel a sudden need to support dbsk alot

Tohoshinki - Love in the Ice romaji

Tsumetai sono te kimi no sei ja nai
Osanaki hibi otta kizu kakae
Dareka wo aisuru koto osoreteru no
Kotoba no uragawa se wo mukete

Dakishimeta kokoro ga koori no you ni sotto tokedasu

* Daremo ga dareka ni aisareru tame ni
Kono yo ni inochi wo kiramekaseru no sa
Sore ga moshi mo boku nara mou ichido kimi no kokoro wo
Towa no yasashisa de atatameru yo…

Unmei no itazura (kokoro wo itamete mo)
Sono namida no saki ni wa
Hitosuji no hikari ga (yami no naka maiorite)
Bokura wa kizuku sa

Kurushii hodo ni tsuyoku kanjiaeru hito no nukumori

Daremo ga motteru kanashimi ya kodoku
Iyashite moraeru basho sagashiteiru
SO… Kimi ni wa sono basho ga koko ni aru sa osorenaide
Mou mayowanaide boku ga mamoru

Setsunai hodo (My heart) utsukushii
Ai dakara (Don’t be afraid)
Hakanai hodo (Let you know my love) uruwashii
Kono toki wo… (You know… Let you know my love)

* Repeat

DBSK - Love in the Ice Translation

It’s not your fault those hands are freezing
Born from those childish days, you carry the scars
Are you afraid to love someone?
Pretending you don’t see the other side of the words

Like ice, the embraced heart slowly starts to thaw

* For anyone to be loved by someone,
Makes life in this world shine
If it was me, I’d make your heart warm once more
With eternal tenderness

Even if fate’s mischief pains the heart
On the other side of those tears,
A single ray of light will swoop down into the darkness
We know

As strong as the feeling of suffering, we can feel people’s warmth

Everyone is searching for a place
That can heal their sadness and loneliness
So… for you, that place is here
Don’t be afraid, don’t hesitate anymore, because I’ll protect you

My heart is pained
Because this love is so beautiful, don’t be afraid
Even if it’s just momentarily, I’ll let you know my love
This time is beautiful, you know… let you know my love

* Repeat

bell

god is good

god is good. he answers prayers. even no is an answer. just if we want to accept it anot. but we should always rmb to thank him. even if things dont go our way. we should never take for granted the love he has for us.

god helps us through our darkest hours. only if we seek him and not only depend on our own strength. however, god only helps those who helps themselves. yesterday's daily bread says: that we should not seek jesus just because we want something from him. we should seek him because we want to. and only through him can we be complete and whole spiritually.Only Jesus can give wholeness to a broken life. he can work miracles in our lives if we lift our lives up to him.

i am suddenly glad god has sent me here to touch and work in the lives of others. and especially one particular person that is dear to me =xand i am proud of myself for bringing him closer to god and that he wants to know god more now. just like today's daily bread says: "Do you know someone who needs to know what Jesus has done? Don’t make excuses for what you lack in abilities. Instead, share the good news of what the Lord has done for you, and your life will take on new purpose. —C. P. Hia" ".......Bringing hope to hopeless people, Telling them that Christ’s the way. —Sper" "When we are thankful for what we have, we want to share it with others."

i am thankful for how god has worked in my life for the past 2 years. and i would like to share this good thing with you because u are that important to me and i would love to help u in anyway i can to ease ur burden.=D
and also because of you. i am even more determined to keep up with my daily commitment of praying and spending time with the lord. so i also thank the lord for you =)

bell

misc..

somethings are meant to remain unspoken
somethings are meant to be left unsaid
what happens when the words meant to be unsaid are spoken?
those can never be taken back.

maybe my ears had heard then.
but only now my heart listens.
maybe my head had registered the words then.
but only now my heart reacts.

somethings are never meant to happen
somethings should never occur
but what happens when it happens?
and then suddenly you are unsure

when u have a bite of something good
you would ask for more
but when u finally get used to the taste
you find it will soon be no more.

13th post in china

weekends have came and gone again....

atmosphere is cold here...i hope it gets settled soon seems like everything needs time. and time has proven once again all problems can be solve. im glad the atomsphere is warming up. im also glad me and levina always settle our issues quick and never lets it last till the next day. did they have same issues last year? or were they much happier without the drama surrounding them?

have i ever wondered if i regret coming here? YES alot. the ups and downs here are really taking a toil on me.
i am sick and tired of having a taste of a good thing and then it gets taken away just like that.
i am so annoyed that the bad things seemed to be out weighing to good
i am so frustrated that issues keep coming up one by one and taking forever to solve

but...people always say u can never have too much of a good thing. and that all good things come to an end but the bad just keeps coming.isnt it?

it was a mistake no doubt. but why am i glad the mistake happened? =x although i keep saying i can forget. but i seem to fail to convince the most impt person. myself. now im stuck. and i feel so vulnerable. i cannot pull myself away even though i want to because we're starting to be dependent on each other. but what happens when it has to come to stop? what will my preventive measure be now...? it seems like im too late....

bell

12th post in china

YUM! had authentic thai food here! for like....30 dollars? for tom yum soup, pineapple friedrice,yellow potato chicken curry, sambal french beans, 4 types of tasting platter....WOWOWWOOWOW~ yumm! and OMG there is actually SAMBAL! yay. we were too full to eat dessert....BUT! they have mango sago and sticky rice with mango! lynnette! where are u to eat with us?! ahahaha~dont worry we will go and eat and then take pics and post on FB!

been slacking the whole week. sighs. why did i come here again?

oooo mblaq's new mv for their new song 'y' is out!....KYYAAA~ love joon and thunder.

lalala its friday tmr.woohoo~ FINALLY....but the week past like sooo fast! with a VOOM.ahahhahah.this week. happy week.

no idea why. unexpected things have been said and unexpected things have been done....will it really be that easy to remain as we are?
im starting to get more and more scared everyday.its a combination of factors.that i have no idea why.....
it gets worse when everyday the heart beats gets faster and i have trouble catching my breath.
i wasnt even like this before!this is terrible. its getting dangerous.
SOS!

bell

11th post in china (230th post)

the weekends have come and gone. doing a mundane report. yawns.

i think i havent seen this kinda drama for a very very long time since secondary school.

all the complications....although it is tiring. i kinda miss it. ahahahha! wads life without complications right? more intersting no? and u learn smth from it all the time. but....the feeling kinda sucks sometimes. and i feel so tired everyday.

who knew i will never get rid of this curse following me? will history repeat itself or will this become smth more? these few days been thinking and suddenly im scared....really scared.hahhaahha. is this the phobia people talk about? yes. and its his fault all these years.need.to.get.over.the.phobia.

went to sit ferriswheel on sunday....ahahhahaha it was sooooooo amusing to see a certain someone get so nervous....prolly the first time i see someone's phobia in action =P as for the actual ride....hahah nothing exciting really. feels like im just siting on cable car. had sushi buffet....hmmm...didnt like the sitting arrangment....it was an anti social arrangment. and i think the coke was spiked.hhahahaha. went high after drinking it. and everyone went crazy over the toy grabber machine thingy except me. -.-. felt so....sian then. ahhaah. but i got a bear. hahahha. it shall accompany me for now. poor him though. lol. it gets the best and worst of my moods =x

rainy days so far. althought i love the rain vs the sun...but that = puddles and wet floor...= wet shoes.

just saw the internal organs of a mice. teehee. so cute and minified. and surprisingly...the blood is really dark red. more like maroon.hahahha.

side note. i love gossip girls TTM! HAHAHHAAH. wierdly i cannot wait for fri's possible movie night. and mayb theme park and KTV?

darling lynnette! you are missed dearly! we must have a dbsk concert marathon/cooking session soon with all 3 of us Lders! i love you =)

lights, camera, action. roll the tape!i feel like we're filming a drama...drama of life.
step into the world of love and hate. jealousy and anger. happiness and sadness. schemes and plans.
dont expect anything less than complications. or you'll be disappointed at the complexity of things.

bell

10th post in china

alcohol is scary. esp when people get drunk and crazy =( it scared the shit out of me and i ended up crying...and today i suddenly feel guilty. coz i didnt stop my friends from drinking...........and instead we encouraged each other to feel high! wtf am i doing? what example am i showing? i am soooo sining again! and because of that...i feel...dirty? or am i just too uptight? whatever it is, i shall lay off alcohol for a while. phobia
but then....if a person who usually keeps things to himself. and usually are quiet and has alot of things troubling him....and he drinks and feels happy and worry free....shld we let him drink? i feel happy to see him happy....but....is that the right way to handle it?

i need to pray for forgiveness again! ahhh =(

the weekends...seem to be over-ing soon....

im glad i have a load off my mind now and i can acutally breathe a sigh of relief and not feel suffocated by my own thoughts. however, that isnt the end of it. some issues just cant be solved yet
and i think....i have commitment issues.lol. i sound like a guy now.

bell