hmmm....my emotions got the better of me ytd. i hit the peak of my all time low. LOL. oximoronic words...and weirdly...it got triggered by watching gossip girls! how retarded is that. when GG is supposed to be....bitchy and funny?
practically ran back to the dorm and hid under the covers till levina came to rescue me and we ended up implusively drinking our blueberry wine. i really really think i wasnt drunk....but i felt soooooo hot and i was soooo red and i started just talking nonstop....but i really think...it was all an act to keep me from thinking about anything at all. if i wanted to...i could stop talking and laughing.
but after the effects of the alcohol went off....i felt more sober than ever. and had a new goal in mind.
this morning i woke up feeling fresher and 'reborned'. its so funny how a few weeks here has done this to me. i dont think i wanna go through that again. alcohol never helps...it just takes ur mind off it for a while, but the problem is still always there.
this week is a bore. got nothing to do except to listen to music...TOTALLY kinda addicted to BONAMANA....watching GG, and letting my mind wander over the issues of others. and also im gonna get down to reading my book later...wonder what to write in my log book this week. zzzz.
prayer: (LGEE members who read this...please help. love you guys!)
dear lord. forgive me for i have sinned yesterday. i turned to alcohol instead of you. i do seek your forgiveness. please help me renew my self and my spirit. that i may be a better person. that i shall lift up my worries and troubles to you. so that u can decide what is best for me. for i know i do not make the best decisions. or i may end up making decisions that will displease you. like yesterday. i will not run away and hide from my troubles anymore, i shall no seek solace and shelter in my sleep and dreams....i shall just seek you. while you are deciding and planning out the path for me to take. please let me be a genuinely happy person. and not just having a plastered smile on my face. and also, i pray for the safety and protection of everyone here. that u will bless us everyday and lead us away from danger. Amen.
bell
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